• Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.

Older men and young women having families. What do you think?

frederick

frederick

Seasoned Member
Real Person
Male
The question of age-gap relationships comes up not too infrequently, so here's something to start the discussion.

Jacob was 130 years old when he stood before Pharaoh in Egypt (Genesis 47:9). We are also told that he had been in Egypt for 17 years before he died at the age of 147 (Genesis 47:28). Joseph was 30 years old when he became the second-in-command of Egypt (Genesis 41:46). There were seven years of abundance followed by two years of famine before Jacob and his family came to Egypt (Genesis 41:47-53, 45:6). When Jacob arrived, Joseph had been in power for 9 years (7 years of plenty + 2 years of famine), making him about 39 years old (30 + 9). Therefore, working backward from Joseph's age, Jacob was probably 91 years old when Joseph was born. Joseph was the first of Rachel's sons; Benjamin being the second, and the youngest son of Jacob. Jacob had married Leah (and then Rachel a week later) when he was about 84 years old. Since Jacob had worked 7 years for Rachel, (but was tricked into taking Leah first) the women were probably in their early 20s at the time they were actually married.

Now we all know people lived longer back then, so working on age equivalents, this would be like a kiwi guy around 46 years old taking 4 young wives and starting his family.

Why do some have a problem with this? Why would this scenario result in fingers getting pointed at the man and his wives?

Please note, I am not advocating for or promoting underage marriages in this thread and ask that there be no question or comment inferring such. Keep it seemly! Cheers
 
The longer lifespan of the patriarchs is also a factor, and I am glad you accounted for it. Jacob in his 70s or 80s might be equivalent to a man in his 40s.

1757445925906.jpeg
 
steve said:
50 isn’t necessarily post menopausal.
Click to expand...
No, I know it isn't. I'm just ballparking. It usually happens around fifty, and we know that Sarah was post menopausal at age 90.

I could have thrown in a sexy 59 year old Salma Hayek instead of Kate Beckinsale. Men might still murder for Salma. 😁
 
Back to Frederick's original question.

If an older man wants to have a family, it only makes sense that he would seek to do so with a younger woman.

It also frequently makes sense for a younger woman to want to start a family with an older (or even much older man).

The cost of housing has gotten so high that young couples will certainly struggle to ever purchase property. An older man with a land and a housr starts to look promising.

I have some close friends that married when she was a 23 year old school teacher and he was a 35 year old dentist. He was friends with her Dad, and the father suggested he ask her out. She is gorgeous, pleasant, and feminine. He is prosperous, kind, and funny. Now 20 plus years later they have a happy home filled with six beautiful and intelligent children.
 
I have a question for you @frederick.
Do you think there are reasonable or practical limits on age gaps? Sometimes people throw out the guideline of "half your age plus seven".

If one follows that, the 30 year old man shouldn't go lower than a 22 year old woman. The 40 year old man shouldn't go lower than a 27 year old woman, and a 70 year old man a 42 year old woman.

I think this makes some practical sense as long as we keep in mind that it isn't a moral limit.

The 70 year old man can righteously marry a 20 year old woman, but it is pretty weird, and likely won't work out.
 
I remember reading about historical Philipino farmworkers working in the Hawaiian sugar plantations (1930s-1950s) marrying much younger women and starting families with them.

These men came to the US in their 20s, worked for decades until retiring in their 60s. At that point, they had enough money to go back to the Philippines and marry a young woman in her 20s. They then started families with these women. These relationships seem to have worked out.
 
Bartato said:
The 70 year old man can righteously marry a 20 year old woman, but it is pretty weird, and likely won't work out.
Click to expand...
if its righteous then by weird you just mean statistically anomalous? that doesn't have much merit prima-facie. all of the biblical heroes were exceptional men and women and they are supposed to be models for us. being exceptional is what christians want.

the law of nature speaks to the rightness of older men and younger women. so if it is "weird" or "unlikely to work out," it is for reasons besides god's word and his nature.
 
YoreyC said:
if its righteous then by weird you just mean statistically anomalous? that doesn't have much merit prima-facie. all of the biblical heroes were exceptional men and women and they are supposed to be models for us. being exceptional is what christians want.
Click to expand...

The lack of common sense around here is sometimes astounding.

Yes, I'm obviously asking about practical guidance.

Yes, a 70 year old marrying a 20 year old is highly unusual! It is extremely anomalous. It is rarely done.

I clearly said it isn't sinful for a much older man to marry a young woman. God's Law does not prohibit it.

YoreyC said:
the law of nature speaks to the rightness of older men and younger women. so if it is "weird" or "unlikely to work out," it is for reasons besides god's word and his nature.
Click to expand...
Natural law??

Where exactly is this "law of nature" that feeble old men should marry nubile young women to be found?

I can go to Ecclesiastes and show that there is a time and a season for everything under the sun. The season for reproducing with 20 year olds normally ends well before your 70th birthday.

There are rare exceptions, but it is foolish to assume that you are one of them.

God opened the womb of the 90 year old Sarah, but almost certainly will not open the wombs of most nursing home residents. 😁
 
Bartato said:
The season for reproducing with 20 year olds normally ends well before your 70th birthday.
Click to expand...
Yes, that is “normal”.
But who around here is normal?
 
Bartato said:
You got me there. We are all pretty far outside "normal"! 😁
Click to expand...
Who wants to be normal?
Normal is too often used as a synonym for average....and these days average is off the charts below acceptable imho.
My preferred word is peculiar. Yeah. Ill take that one!

My sisterwife is 22 years younger then her husband and 23 years younger than I am.

This bothers no one ....in our family.

If it bothers others....it's kind of their problem.

Her family seem to like who she is, how well behaved and smart her children are....and even though she is technically a step grandma......she is more like a fun aunt.

Her children from this union were born an aunt and uncle. ...and are very loved by their big brothers and big sisters.

I have a friend who told me that the way our children are tells her all she needs to know about the relationship between the three of us parents. They are happy, loving, outgoing, and obviously are loved by all of us.
Another friend was won over by our oldest daughter. She thinks the world of our girl....and all of us by extension. She is a very kind and tenderhearted woman.
When people think we are great....because they admire ....our children.
I guess they are kinda judging by fruit.....

It was the way we value our children that my sisterwife first commented on. They are our most valued....blessings.

In God's kingdom each soul has great value.
In Babylon souls are at the bottom if the commodity list. Which brings me full circle back to why I don't want to be normal ....in the times I am living in.
 
Bartato said:
I have some close friends that married when she was a 23 year old school teacher and he was a 35 year old dentist.
Click to expand...
A couple of the guys who I get together with for lunch each month have younger partners. One guy is 66 and his partner is a beautifully young 27 year old accountant. The other guy is 62 and his partner is 35. Neither guy is extra weathy or anything like that. In fact the guy with the young accountatnt is living off his pension. They're just mature, stable, reliable kinds of guys which is what intelligent young women here want.
 
Bartato said:
I have a question for you @frederick.
Do you think there are reasonable or practical limits on age gaps? Sometimes people throw out the guideline of "half your age plus seven".
Click to expand...
Honestly, if I start my thinking grounded in the Word of God, I don't see anything like that. I see God blessing men with virtuous women. The western cultural biases cloud men's vision for God's blessings and provisions.

Bartato said:
The 70 year old man can righteously marry a 20 year old woman, but it is pretty weird, and likely won't work out.
Click to expand...
See my reply above. Yes, it's righteous. Sooo.... no problem.
 
Bartato said:
I remember reading about historical Philipino farmworkers working in the Hawaiian sugar plantations (1930s-1950s) marrying much younger women and starting families with them.

These men came to the US in their 20s, worked for decades until retiring in their 60s. At that point, they had enough money to go back to the Philippines and marry a young woman in her 20s. They then started families with these women. These relationships seem to have worked out.
Click to expand...
The culture in the Philippines promotes that kind of success whereas it is opposed in other places.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top