Rebellion

[sweetlissa]

What if a wife is constantly rebellious? If a husband has tried everything he knows to guide her, how long should he continue to allow her to be in rebellion. Scripturally, what must a husband do if his wife is not immoral but refuses to obey him?

This recently came up in a discussion and we cannot find the answer. Can you all give us some input?

SweetLissa

[Scarecrow]

When a woman rebels against her husband she is in violation of numerous commands including:
Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Ephesians 5:24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
Not to mention that it is likely that she has broken her wedding vows stating that she would love, honor, and OBEY her husband. Breaking a vow is not the same thing as breaking the marriage covenant, but it is not far from it either.
There are numerous causes for this, however until the woman realizes her error and repents there is little anyone can do. The scriptures tell us to overcome evil with good, so my first thought was for the husband to show her that he loves her whenever and however possible. He should continue to honor his covenant with her to the best of his ability, but should also be exploring options for himself and if possible any children that may be involved.
In Exodus we are told that God hardened Pharaoh’s heart and at other times that Pharaoh hardened his heart. There may be an unknown reason that the Lord has chosen to harden her heart, or she may have hardened it attempting to control her husband. God can harden a person’s heart in order to cause another person to move in a direction they might otherwise resist. This has been true in my life, and in the long run it has always worked out for the best.

[Dr. K.R. Allen]

Hey sister,

This may be too simple but if we turn the question around I think it will make a bit of sense.

How long should Christ tolerate sinfulness in his bride, us the body of Christ? How long should he love us, put up with us, tolerate us, and love us while we still struggle with sin?

If we take two motifs of Scripture, love and Christ's love applied to the church, his bride, then I think we arrive at the right position. Christ is dedicated to his bride with an eternal love, an unconditional love. A reading of 1 Cor. 13 on love shows us just how unconditional love really is.

Now if a women is totally and forever rebellious it is a sign of an unbeliever (see 1 John 3:9). But we can't see what struggle is going on in the heart and there may be fruit in one area along with sin in another area. But even if this is the case then the man cannot leave the woman as Paul prescribed in 1 Cor. 7. If the unbeliever leaves the believer let it be, but the believer cannot leave the unbeliever.

Furthermore, in reality, a man who marries a woman must accept what he has chosen. This is why courtship and time are the best friends to any person seeks to take another to himself or heerself. Time shows if a person is truly submissive to Scripture, or at least in most cases it does as that is the norm.

A man who has a rebellious wife does have some resources though. He can exercise discipline upon her through the church (Matthew 18) if she continues to live in sin. But for those that may not be in a local body it could mean others brothers and sisters coming into to address the issue (accountabilit and discipline from the larger body of Christ). But then a husband must be strong enough to take this step. Some are and some are not. This is the principle that Jesus taught as well as the apostles in regard to brothers and sisters holding one another accountable. Counseling might be of help as well.

Hope this is of some help.

Dr. K.R. Allen

[welltan]

Ideally a man that believes in plural marriage and has a rebellious wife should not be in emotional pain as much as the emotional hurting for the rebellious wife. Even though in this society it is difficult, he either has another wife or is now motivated to seek another wife. Her rebellion should not be given power over the home and excluding herself from the home is what she is doing. Her problems are an unfinished work and she will finally return with God or she will finally depart sinfully and alone she may feel free to find another husband but it is only her excuse for "legal adultery" (nice term) but is a proper basis for divorce for the first man to use.

[Chaplain]

A husband, in this case, should do his up level best to reassure his wife / first wife of his love for her and spend lots of time in prayer, not only for his own wisdom in how to handle this, but for his wife / first wife as well. I see the following ways of taking care of this and that is :
1) The husband try his best to assure his wife of his love for her and to lovingly instruct her on what Gods word has to say about PM and marriage in general, thus allowing him to rest in the knowledge of said word should he have to resort to the next step.
2) After attempting to do all of the above and said wife is still in rebellion, then he should send her away for a time, ( said time to be determined on a case by case basis ) to allow her to contemplate on what her roll is as wife, what her place is in their marriage and to realize who the husband answers too.
3) If the wife, after all of the above, still wishes to remain in rebellion, then the husband can extend the time apart, he should continue to pray for her and continue to send her Godly instruction from HIS word, in the hope of redeeming his wife.
4) Should at a point in time, the wife becomes involved in or does things that the husband believes meets the criteria of giving his wife a written decree of divorcement, then and only then should he do so, but, only after much prayer.

[sweetlissa]

The question has more to do with submission than PM. PM is only a side discussion.

[Chaplain]

Sorry Lissa,
Guess I just assumed that is what was alluded to in your first post....but you know what they say about assuming things. Any who....my response would still be the same but just remove the reference to PM for my response would, I think, still apply to any situation concerning rebellion from a wife.

[Scarecrow]

Last night I went to a local bookstore and purchased a copy of "Created to be His Help Meet" for my daughter. She is 15 (no she is not married yet...and probably won't be for many years) and this book will help her learn and understand things I could never adequately explain to her as her dad. If the woman has not completely "turned to the dark side" this book could possibly be the wedge that keeps the door from slamming shut, and possibly even be the very thing that opens the door back up. I noticed this book from an earlier post on this site so decided to check into it...seems to be a very powerful piece of literature.

http://nogreaterjoy.org/blogs/createdtobehishelpmeet/

[sweetlissa]

Okay, I will refine the question:

Suppose in an ongoing leadership struggle between a husband and a wife the wife decides she doesn't have to follow his leadership anymore. She leaves his home and has abandoned her wifely duties, but expects him to continue to provide for her. What is the biblical obligation of the husband. Should the husband continue to financially support her, even though she is in rebellion but has not committed a sexual sin.

[Scarecrow]

Yes. He is obligated to her by covenant. Two wrongs do not make a right.

1 Corinthians 7:10 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

Even our heathen courts cause a man to provide for his wife (and children) when there is a civil divorce. But in the civil and Biblical case if she remarries there is no further obligation because civilly her new husband is now to take care of her, and Biblically what she has done is an abomination and he is not to take her back.