For those Christian single ladies who are open (or feel called) to plural marriage, finding the right husband or family can be overwhelming. Some have told us they have met a string of “losers” along the way, who send them running, and basically saying “forget it”. Worse, some have jumped into a situation that turned out not to be what it appeared, causing heartache and loss.
Conversely, we know that “whoever finds a wife, finds a good thing”. Prov 18:22 Finding a Godly wife is not an easy task. Finding a Godly wife, in the 21st century, who loves God’s ways, and understands that plural marriage is simply an acceptable part of that – can seem like an impossible task to God’s men, and to families looking to grow. So those men get creative (we’ve seen it!) to find a wife, sometimes with good results, sometimes not.
Many have resorted to classifieds - including plural marriage specific ones. Some may have found success here, but as a generalization, we have not seen good results – too much like searching for a needle in a haystack, where some “straw” may be purposely disguised as a “needle”. Unfortunately we’ve seen too many men and women rush in wherever someone is willing to say “yes”, without prayerfully considering everything, and giving time for God to make his will known, and any potential roadblocks to show themselves.
We think there has got to be a better way. Here are a few ideas:
1. Certainly arranged marriages have a Biblical basis and have had success in the past, and some Christians are rediscovering them. However, realistically for those who are discovering the truth about plural marriage, their parents are no longer in a position to arrange a marriage for them. As we grow, and form larger communities (even online and retreat-based communities) this will hopefully become an option for our children to find a Godly mate, without the cultural (dating) baggage.
2. For those seeking to add a wife, here’s our primary suggestion: SERVICE. What do we mean by that? If you search our forums, you’ll find that many of us believe that one of the main groups that God would like to bless through plural marriage is the single mother – mostly abandoned by society, community, and church these days. These are our modern-day “widows and orphans” we were told to provide for. Go out and provide for them, without expecting anything (relationship or a thank-you): Ask a pastor at a church (or 10 churches) if there’s a single mom who could use a bag of groceries. Search craigslist.org for a single mom in need, and help out. Volunteer at any number of places where you might be able to help a mom. Start attending a church that has a number of single mothers, and start conversations and look for needs to meet, not a wife. Get creative. If you are already married, do it as a family often. You’ll be surprised at how rewarding it is – and how your focus might shift from finding a wife, to helping. We think it’s entirely possible that it’s at that point that God may say: “Ah, someone who’s ready to be a husband (again)”, and He might then broadside you with a wife when you are least expecting it. When the time is right, search the forums for suggestions on how then to ease into the discussion of plural marriage for the first time. If this doesn't work, keep seeking His will, and keep helping – what’s the worst that’s happened?: you’ve kept His command to be providing for others.
3. Get some help from someone you trust in meeting someone worthwhile. You might have a friend who’s already plural friendly, and he/she just might know someone who’s open, and worth meeting, and he/she, knowing you both, might be able to offer a non-emotional perspective as the relationship progresses that would be helpful. OK, probably not too many of us have friends like that yet. So, Biblical Families would like to help, and play the role of that friend, in a way that we think could be much more helpful than that of “classifieds”.
Here’s how it works. There are no forms to fill out, and nobody’s information will ever be posted online or made public. Your privacy (beyond those you are introduced to), is assured. You just write us at email@example.com and say you are interested in participating, and let us know about yourself (if single man or woman), and your family (if already married). Here are just some of the things you will want to cover:
You will think of things that are important to you to add. We’ll probably have questions for each person as potential situations come up, also.
We won’t have any shortage of men and families looking to add a wife, we will have a shortage of single women participating, at least for now. So don’t take offense if you aren’t introduced to anyone – we’ll be sending profiles that more or less match to ladies first, and then they will decide who they’d like to be introduced to. Please understand we also want to be able to vouch for the character of the men/families we are introducing ladies to. The best way to do that is through attending a retreat, and getting to know Biblical Families staff and other members. Beyond that, participation thru forums, email, phone calls, Biblical Families radio, etc, will be another way we can get to know you. We will not introduce ladies without giving them some type of “covering”: this will mostly take the form of a wife from the Biblical Families Ladies Ministries being in contact with them, throughout the Introductions process. So how the “courting” process goes will have a witness, and they will have a friend to confide in. The last thing we want to see is any woman who comes to us for help being manipulated into a family too quickly, or ending up in a situation that is otherwise improper for her. We will also expect participating men to be in contact with us about how it’s going.
If it seems to you like we are putting the single ladies in control of the process, and giving them extra protection in it – then you understood correctly. We take our role seriously, and don’t want to see anyone get hurt as a consequence of an introduction we might make.
We hope this service can be another important way we can serve Biblical families, and help them to grow into all that God has for them.
As with all our services, we don’t want to charge a fee for Introductions, as everyone is in a different place financially, you free to support Biblical Families as God directs you.
If you have any questions at all before sending a profile, just email them to: firstname.lastname@example.org
Here is a thread from our forums on 'Adding-to-your-family' guidelines.
Here is a thread for general discussion of the 'Introductions' ministry.
Here is one thread (there are others) that discuss marriage for single mothers.
Here is more information for single mothers regarding Biblical Families and our commitment to you.