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Insistence on a separate home

paterfamilias

paterfamilias

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Real Person
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Yeah yeah. I know there have been other threads but it is slow in here at the moment and this crap just happened to me on Thursday night.

Anyway, looking for a conversation with both sexes (it is sexes and not gender, don't make me lecture you on linguistic manipulation via false stipulative definitions...again...grr) on the pros and cons of one roof vs multiple roofs.

I will say right off the bat that I am a hard core one roof fanatic. Enough so that even though I might well be able to afford to buy one or more additional houses on my street, I would never consider it. Much bigger house for sure, custom build absolutely...multiple houses? Hell no.
So much so that I shut down an interaction with a much younger and phenotypically attractive woman who wanted multiple children and claimed to be on the same page with my somewhat restrictive politics immediately. She was apparently fine with polygyny and patriarchy etc but had a hard limit...her term...on living under the same roof as any other wife. I told her it went against my much longer considered and far more firm rule that there will absolutely never be any separation in my family. So i thanked her for the interest and wished her luck in her search. One roof equals one family. Two roofs equal two families and that smacks of secrets and bigamy as opposed to a single united family all pulling together by my lights.

I will say that I am all for building for each wife in a new home a separate suite with a lounge and something that does not rise beyond micro not quite kitchenette...I think meals and being together at meal time is important and that separate kitchens allow for more small disagreements to become more permanent separation. A wife should have her own space though, just not to the extent of encouraging genuinely separate lives if that makes sense

So.. with all that said, those who disagree are encouraged to chip in and attempt to change my position. Just understand that I am firm on the topic just like all other right thinking upright and stalwart...er I am running out of silly descriptors which should be read in a serious narrator's sonorous tones...let's say Lynard Nemoy by way of example.
Anyway
 

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paterfamilias said:
I will say right off the bat that I am a hard core one roof fanatic. Enough so that even though I might well be able to afford to buy one or more additional houses on my street, I would never consider it. Much bigger house for sure, custom build absolutely...multiple houses? Hell no.
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If you were expecting an argument from me you won't get one. I think you're absolutely right all the way around.

Even though we have a cluster of homes here these days the feeling is that this is all one place. For a smaller family with two wives and assorted littles one house is economical, it helps break down any us vs. them dynamics, and IMHO it also prevents fractures between the wives. It's really hard to be continuously mad at someone you live with.

Also, as the patriarch of your House (family/clan) you have every right to set the tone and tempo for those under your headship.

paterfamilias said:
She was apparently fine with polygyny and patriarchy etc but had a hard limit...her term...on living under the same roof as any other wife.
Click to expand...

Vaya con Dios, mi amiga is all you need to say here.

Which you did. :)
 
I am with you on lots of houses on a ranch...it is the environment I grew up on myself. My notion is that the additional homes are for inlaws, extended family and small cottages for kids when they reach adulthood should they wish to use them or for guests. Certainly enough space for children to build homes as they marry and start families if they want to stay home as it were.
Oh, and you always need more space for extra polebarns. No such thing as a man with too many polebarns
 
I always felt there was no point in polygyny if it meant dividing the family. If you cannot get along....why do it?
Another aspect of division is the help in the house goes away when each wife has her own kitchen.....or entire home to clean.

More eyes on the children? Not if they live somewhere else.

Someone to talk to? If your not sharing space you may as well just call your mom.

I am with you completely on the impact and logistics of a single vs divided home.
 
paterfamilias said:
So much so that I shut down an interaction with a much younger and phenotypically attractive woman who wanted multiple children and claimed to be on the same page with my somewhat restrictive politics immediately.
Click to expand...

I agree with your take on the multiple houses but more importantly, kudos on finding a young lady to engage seriously with to the point of needing to make a choice about fitness for your household. Bravo!
 
Yeah I would only consider one rooftop or as close to as possible, one dinner table / area etc... I had to have the same convo unfortunately and I understand the fake peace that is created by having separate dwellings but that for me takes away from the beauty of actually living out Christs love towards one another and the rewards of true peace and joy that come from living like Christ towards each other in close proximity.

For me it is all about bigger family and learning to get along and learning to love each other regardless that is a blessing to be aspired to.
 
A desire that I had before I ever even knew about the option of polygyny was a western town.
Every adult pick out the storefront that they wanted for their personal room.
The Restaurant had the communal kitchen, tables and benches.
Chapel/schoolroom was its own building.
Pool hall as a family room.
General store was central storage.
One lady that I discussed this with chose the gunshop as her room
The more medically inclined might choose the Dr office as their front.
Haberdashery for the craft oriented.
Etc.
boardwalk/porches with chairs and rockers down the whole row.
Infinitely expandable, just add another building on the end.
Hotel for guests and older teenagers that had earned trust. Double as dorms.
 
I know that there are families that make two houses work and work well. And there have been utter train wrecks in single houses.

For me, two houses is too much work. I want a big(ger) family not more work.

That’s two yard to mow, two houses to the maintain and constantly feeling like a visitor in your own home.

That and I have decided that fatherhood has to quantity. Quality just doesn’t cut it. You have to be there, at least that’s the way it’s worked for me.
 
Man_in_the_Middle said:
I agree with your take on the multiple houses but more importantly, kudos on finding a young lady to engage seriously with to the point of needing to make a choice about fitness for your household. Bravo!
Click to expand...
Thanks
I have had one second wife and a couple of live in very near misses. Several...as in more than I remember...women who made a lot of claims and big talk talk about liking our family structure and philosophy. As someone who has also had a divorce though, I very much do not wish to try to sidestep incompatibility issues or core differences in how we see a plural marriage and family. So it was way easier than it might seem to say thank you for your interest but no..mwe are not compatible.
I think that my not being moved by the idea of just gaining another sexual partner helps. That said though, I will admit that the ones who were simply motivated by having children immediately...with someone or anyone...might have moved my needle a bit more. But in the end, the risk of not being able to be a match for one and other is just too high to gamble on the happiness or my access to children in the future should a breakup come.
 
steve said:
A desire that I had before I ever even knew about the option of polygyny was a western town.
Every adult pick out the storefront that they wanted for their personal room.
The Restaurant had the communal kitchen, tables and benches.
Chapel/schoolroom was its own building.
Pool hall as a family room.
General store was central storage.
One lady that I discussed this with chose the gunshop as her room
The more medically inclined might choose the Dr office as their front.
Haberdashery for the craft oriented.
Etc.
boardwalk/porches with chairs and rockers down the whole row.
Infinitely expandable, just add another building on the end.
Hotel for guests and older teenagers that had earned trust. Double as dorms.
Click to expand...
There was a ranch with a nice big house that I like the look of for sale a couple of years ago. It had a movie set come tourist attraction come air b&b rental of a small western town. Had a hotel, a shop and a saloon as well as other buildings. Would have been fun for this and that.
Having grown up on a rocking ranch and actually being able to somewhat credibly make the claim to being a real cowboy...though I don't really see myself that way...I am less enthusiastic about all things western themed now.
 
MemeFan said:
Maybe this would be acceptable:

View attachment 12254

Something with style:

View attachment 12255
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I have this notion of a large courtyard as well with suites for the ladies facing onto that interior. Don't know that I would go Japanese stylistically but I certainly love the idea of an interior courtyard. Very appealing. Certainly some sort of water feature would be great.
 
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