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Churchianity Lacks PRACTICAL Answers For Single Women!

Frank S

Frank S

Seasoned Member
Male
Some ladies responding to advice that is of no help to singleness. Sad much!

Taken from :
https://gospelrelevance.com/2016/08/14/5-lies-single-christian-believes/

Kip
March 14, 2017 at 9:54 pm
Easy to say for someone who’s married. It seems like once people get married or get engaged, they feel completely entitled to give flippant advice on “lies” we believe. Sounds like I don’t love God enough because I don’t fully desire Him. I’m sorry, are we not humans? Is it so terrible to desire a relationship without other christians worrying about us veering off into idolatry? This is why I’m so distant from my fellow Christians. All so tone deaf. All so ready to piously give advice after they’ve received what they’ve wanted all of their lives…

Pastors and friends do this all of the time. It’s so easy for married people or coupled folks to be far removed from the ache of loneliness once they’ve found someone. Their words seem pompous. Their advice shallow of humanity because well, theyre in love. So, they simply tell their single friends to “abandon themselves” in Jesus or serve a little more.

My friends all have families and boyfriends. You try having conversations with them but the baby needs feeding or the boyfriend gets all their attention.

I wish Christians (I’m christian) can offer more in advice than “love God more” or “abandon yourself to Him” or, worse yet, insinuating that your mere desire or hope for love is in any way a sin. Or, that you’re not seeking Him enough. I got that same crap when I was hospitalized 3 years ago. It’s just all fluff! Why can’t christians talk straight, plain English with compassion? Why all the christianese about idolatry and not being Christian enough to be in love. It’s so easy for married people to forget the ache of loneliness and you’re no different.

I’m sorry. I’m just so tired of it all. The blanket advice my christians friends seem to so easily delve out. The waiting. The hoping. Being the 3rd wheel. The feeling inferior to other christians because I don’t want God enough. The feeling of condemnation. The lonely days and nights of pretending everything is fine. The embarrassment of falling apart in front of everyone because a potential relationship didn’t pan out. The being told that it’s just a matter of waiting. I’m reluctant to approach God in spending time with Him. It bores me I guess because it feels empty, so I avoid it. But my life is empty in geberal. Everyday is the same to me. There’s nothing new. Nobody to talk to. Everyone’s so busy. I am fault for that, though. When I was depressed, I alienated all of my friends. I talk to my friends but not about my true feelings of boredom and sadness and loneliness. They’ll only tell me that it’ll happen one day and all is well. Or, that being in a relationship isn’t all isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. All lies.

I’m not saying a relationship will complete me. I’m not saying a man will make it all better. I just wish I had a companion. Someone to talk and grow with. I feel slighted. I’d share with you what happened in my life 2 years ago but I fear that, just like every other Christian, you’ll shred that story to pieces because God talking to us is “impossible” or sometimes things are just coincidences but God is “bigger than our pain”. I’m at a stale point in life. I no longer know where to turn.

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Rachel Nichols
October 7, 2017 at 7:18 am
How about “there’s someone for everyone?” Or “God is always on time.” Maybe He’s not on time because the answer to decades of prayers and tearful waiting is a resounding “No!” And there will be no happy ending for you this side of eternity.

Christian marrieds love to deny this. Trying to cheer us up with sappy anecdotes about your great aunt Haggatha who married for the first time at 99. (Uh, why? Seriously.)

Seriously, there are more than twice as many Christian spinsters as bachelors. Should we A. Embrace polygamy? B. Turn lesbian? or C. Marry atheists/maybe leave Christ altogether?

Most single women my age are choosing C. I prefer to remain faithful to God even if my life stinks and will never improve till I go to Heaven. “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.” As Job said. Unfortunately my Christian friends surround me with platitudes, condemnation (You weren’t more proactive in chasing men in college!) and judgment as they call my grief bitterness.Thanks for mocking me on my ash heap you sorry comforters.

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Churchianity lacks PRACTICAL answers for too many single women!

Sad much!
 
The institutionalized Church, like all bureaucracies, cares predominantly about one thing: perpetuating itself. Most everything else flows from this fact. The Body of Christ (ekklesia) is not a building or a human organization; it is the bonded community of believers. We do not act like it when we barricade ourselves off from each other in denominational condemnation congregations.

Simply put, Christ said, "Love one another," and all the gobbledygook about how our fellow believers aren't right with God is the antithesis of loving one another. In our hearts, we know that loving those with whom we associate is not rocket science. It may be difficult due to getting past such things as our desire to fit in in the world, but it's not hard to figure out how to love one another. Those things we need to do are the true reflections of the fruits of the Spirit. Being single is not our Father's plan for us, and anyone in that situation deserves our compassion.
 
There are a lot of different things at work here. No one comes out looking shiny.

On the one hand, churchianity is horribly out of touch. Pastors generally lived life on easy mode when it comes to getting a mate and they often come from older generations when things were radically different than today. So too do most Christians have little clue about how to handle the modern dating and marriage situations because they have self identified with the pretty little lies about women and marriage. Frankly many won't even hear the truth about the challenges today, much less have advice on how to handle it. They really have no useful advice and the advice they do have would be counterproductive. Not to mention their theology on marriage and relationships is messed up.

On the other hand, a lot of the shallow meaningless platitudes are quite simply because there is no real relationship between Christians to form a foundation to speak the truth to each other. It's like when someone asks 'how are you doing'? A lot of the time it's a polite greeting; they don't actually want you to pour out your troubles on them. The other half of this is: the truth, if spoken, would be rejected. A lot of singles have a sort of entitled attitude and do not take constructive criticism well. Sometimes you don't have a companion because there is something wrong with you or you're going about it wrong. The solution isn't to wait on God or pray harder, it's to fix yourself, become the best version of you possible, the kind of person someone would want to marry, or to change your approach to finding a mate. That's a hard message that many people won't hear.

And while advice to do things like pray to God, 'abandon oneself to Jesus', and the like aren't necessarily bad in and of themselves, they're woefully insufficient without practical advice to back them up in relevant ways.

Frank S said:
Seriously, there are more than twice as many Christian spinsters as bachelors
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This is what happens when the church drives out all the masculine men and the men who come to church looking for wives compounded by the tendency of the Christian spinsters to not even notice 3/4 of the men exist because they're not "attractive enough".

Frank S said:
condemnation (You weren’t more proactive in chasing men in college!)
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I'm sorry to say condemnation is often just. Not because they weren't chasing men. They were, but for recreational sex and dating, not for marriage. The typical women today, Christian or not, does not seriously pursue marriage in her 20's; refuses to even. Not interested. It's only when she nears 30, or blows past it, and her beauty is fading and the sins have taken their toll that they begin frantically looking for a spouse.

I deserve a spouse because of my obedience.
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The article rightly points out this is a myth, but his advice was horrible; basically calling it hypocrisy. Though he's right to call out the entitled attitude he seems clueless that righteousness is not the same as attractiveness.
 
If the family unit was right the earthly father would be present in every communication. Because that would insure his daughter could be open to the man coming a courting. Instead they are closed off I hope that makes sense
 
James A said:
I understand the approach of the thread. However, women especailly Godly women have formed a wall around thereselves preventing a Godly man from directly getting to know her.
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The wall is more properly known as a father, and brothers, and family, and it’s surprisingly Biblical. That’s why the father stands in front of the door! The wife stands inside the door! And the brothers and family are all watching out for the well being of the girls.
 
Verifyveritas76 said:
The wall is more properly known as a father, and brothers, and family, and it’s surprisingly Biblical. That’s why the father stands in front of the door! The wife stands inside the door! And the brothers and family are all watching out for the well being of the girls.
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That wall is good. The wall I am talking about is the lack of that wall in Christain families in a increasing average.
 
@James, it sounds like you are saying that a young godly woman without her father around is not transparent.
James A said:
If the family unit was right the earthly father would be present in every communication. Because that would insure his daughter could be open to the man coming a courting. Instead they are closed off I hope that makes sense
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How many of these fathers have you actually approached to court their daughters? And how would you know about this daughters wall if you were approaching the fathers first?
 
I am saying that the lack of a human fatherly figure in Godly women have lead to the Godly women being not transparent to possible courting men. Which is increasing in a increasing rate In America- my opnion. My view is the man should approach the ladie of interest ask her to go do something Like go for a hike. She should go get the father and bring him along. A Godly man who wants to court the Godly lady would be watching for the lady to do that. I have met 2 ladies in my time alive who has done this. One of those ladies passed away and the other one just recently showed me by her actions that she understands the importance of the father in courting Godly men. Also to add I am aware that there is situations that play into the factors such as if the father is sick then the courting women would have to bring or discuss how to have the father invovled
 
The man approaches the father first always. How he does that could be a hand shake and talking. Or through many different approaches. But the courting Godly man stands and watches to see how the Godly lady talks and includes the her earthy father in the courtship. It shows the courting man by her actions if she understands the roles of a family unit. I hope I am making sense
 
James A said:
I always ask the father permission BEFORE I start courting- it is my responsibilty to make sure that the lady has Godly attributes before starting to court the lady. If lets say I asked a lady to go on a hike and she had said yes without going to go get her father/ken that was responsible for her she would of automatically been disgualified
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Just a word to the wise, every Godly young woman I know would be more likely to tell you to go for a hike if you hadn’t previously asked her father.

As a father of a young Godly lady, if I’d found out that my daughter had been asked to go on a hike by a young man before I’d been approached, that would almost certainly guarantee his rejection as a suitable spouse.

And maybe a hike of our own.
 
To be honest, as a certified robot, I don't understand what dating or courting really is, or where the line is where one kind of thing becomes another. Like I definitely asked my wife's father if we could date: but this was sort of the day after I asked her if she wanted to date me. After she said yes I told her that I would be asking her father's permission, and if he said no I'd be kicking rocks and bottle tops on down the road. But I don't think I could have reversed the order. I would not have asked her dad for permission, gotten his blessing, and then asked her out. I can't even into feelings in general, so just asking out the girl I liked in private was hard enough. Getting a blessing from her old man and then approaching her with "Hey your dad said it was cool, so you wanna be my girlfriend" is just... GACK!! And if she said no I would have just self terminated.

I'm not saying it's wrong for anybody that does it that way. I mean it sounds plenty old timey and safe, but for me I couldn't go around asking for blessings for a relationship that I wasn't even sure the girl would be interested in. I hate sharing my feelings, and letting them be public before I even know if they are accepted is not even a thing I could do.
 
Verifyveritas76 said:
Just a word to the wise, every Godly young woman I know would be more likely to tell you to go for a hike if you hadn’t previously asked her father.

As a father of a young Godly lady, if I’d found out that my daughter had been asked to go on a hike by a young man before I’d been approached, that would almost certainly guarantee his rejection as a suitable spouse.

And maybe a hike of our own.
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My hubby says amen!
 
Slumberfreeze said:
To be honest, as a certified robot, I don't understand what dating or courting really is, or where the line is where one kind of thing becomes another. Like I definitely asked my wife's father if we could date: but this was sort of the day after I asked her if she wanted to date me. After she said yes I told her that I would be asking her father's permission, and if he said no I'd be kicking rocks and bottle tops on down the road. But I don't think I could have reversed the order. I would not have asked her dad for permission, gotten his blessing, and then asked her out. I can't even into feelings in general, so just asking out the girl I liked in private was hard enough. Getting a blessing from her old man and then approaching her with "Hey your dad said it was cool, so you wanna be my girlfriend" is just... GACK!! And if she said no I would have just self terminated.

I'm not saying it's wrong for anybody that does it that way. I mean it sounds plenty old timey and safe, but for me I couldn't go around asking for blessings for a relationship that I wasn't even sure the girl would be interested in. I hate sharing my feelings, and letting them be public before I even know if they are accepted is not even a thing I could do.
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