Considering Divorced Women Unwise?

[BiblicalLiteralist]

Taking into account the biblical divorce criteria, is it ever wise to marry a biblically correct, divorced woman? Even if her husband was an unbeliever, is it ever wise to marry a put away woman? When is it wise to marry under either circumstance, only after the husband's death?

 

[frederick]

According to Proverbs 18:22, He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord. It's a wise thing to do when you want His favor.

 

[FollowingHim]

Deuteronomy 24:2
"And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife."

The whole purpose of divorce - meaning a proper divorce with paperwork - is to declare the woman completely free and therefore able to remarry because no other man has any claim on her.

Whether it is wise for you to marry that specific woman is obviously an entirely different question that depends on the circumstances. But it's permissible.

What is forbidden is marrying a woman who is only put away - separated - without divorce paperwork. She still belongs to another man, marrying her would be adultery.

 

[frederick]

I'll add to what @FollowingHim has said above; if she is truly divorced she is free to be married, so the wisdom in taking such a woman rests with the man. Shalom

 

[NVIII]

Taking into account the biblical divorce criteria, is it ever wise to marry a biblically correct, divorced woman? Even if her husband was an unbeliever, is it ever wise to marry a put away woman? When is it wise to marry under either circumstance, only after the husband's death?

Asking for clarity... For your divorce criteria, are you thinking along the lines of what Jesus said in Matthew? In other words, a "biblically correct" divorced woman would be one that was either: a.) Maritally unfaithful, or b.) Anything else, which would cause her to become an adulteress and you an adulterer. If that is the basis, is your concern then about the wisdom of entering a situation where one of these two scenarios is guaranteed: a.) Taking a proven unfaithful woman, or b.) becoming an adulterer? And, in light of option "b", is that why you followed with "is it wise...only after the husband's death?"

 

[paterfamilias]

Well... as is my normal pattern, I will focus on the practical aspects and leave the biblical commentary to those more qualified on that aspect.

The cultural narrative is that men are always the badguys. They must be screwing around, abusing the woman or insert trope here. That must be why women initiate most of the divorces...right?

I don't know that I can comment on if marrying a divorced woman is a good idea or not. It is too wide open and too broad. So many factors in that equation.
I imagine that some are just fine and would be a blessing. There are others however that are simply toxic as can be. We all have seen it in our lives. I have this one older lady relative who was divorced over 50 years ago and saw her ex husband a few years ago at a wedding and tried to just right back into an argument they were having decades earlier. As soon as she saw him, it was straight into rage mode. No thank you.

My biggest concern on a personal level is whether or not a woman is in the emotional position to have let go entirely of the previous marriage and is able to focus fully on her new family. No distractions or divided loyalties. New dynamic and entirely new life.
I suppose this dovetails into her ability to still bond with a husband and a sister wife. Some people come out of a bad marriage so effected by the experience whether justified or not, that they seem to be locked permanently into that past emotional state. It seems as if both men and woman would be well served to avoid that circumstance whether mono or plural.

 

[BiblicalLiteralist]

Asking for clarity... For your divorce criteria, are you thinking along the lines of what Jesus said in Matthew? In other words, a "biblically correct" divorced woman would be one that was either: a.) Maritally unfaithful, or b.) Anything else, which would cause her to become an adulteress and you an adulterer. If that is the basis, is your concern then about the wisdom of entering a situation where one of these two scenarios is guaranteed: a.) Taking a proven unfaithful woman, or b.) becoming an adulterer? And, in light of option "b", is that why you followed with "is it wise...only after the husband's death?"

Precisely this.

 

[Mark C]

For your divorce criteria, are you thinking along the lines of what Jesus said in Matthew?

Much discussion on this, but I content that the 'popular churchianty' take is WRONG:

A woman who is ALREADY an adulteress is actually not ENTITLED to a get, or 'certificate of divorce'. She may be 'put away' without one, and that is the proper understanding of the 'exception.'

If her husband gives her one, it is an act of grace, or mercy, (as YHVH did, Isaiah 50, and Joseph intended for Mary.)

 

[MeganC]

Taking into account the biblical divorce criteria, is it ever wise to marry a biblically correct, divorced woman? Even if her husband was an unbeliever, is it ever wise to marry a put away woman? When is it wise to marry under either circumstance, only after the husband's death?

My husband was a wise man. When asked why he preferred younger women he said, "Because all the available women my age are either single or divorced and I don't want to be the man who finds out why."

 

[steve]

My husband was a wise man. When asked why he preferred younger women he said, "Because all the available women my age are either single or divorced and I don't want to be the man who finds out why."

And often more married to their own opinions than to an honest desire for what is right.

 

[BiblicalLiteralist]

Much discussion on this, but I content that the 'popular churchianty' take is WRONG:

A woman who is ALREADY an adulteress is actually not ENTITLED to a get, or 'certificate of divorce'. She may be 'put away' without one, and that is the proper understanding of the 'exception.'

If her husband gives her one, it is an act of grace, or mercy, (as YHVH did, Isaiah 50, and Joseph intended for Mary.)

I will put out that even after Bathsheba commited adultery with David, she was still considered the wife of Uriah until his death. So the act did not disolve the union.

 

[Bartato]

I have a real world example of a divorced woman that a man might consider marrying.

She is a professing Christian (probably not a very mature one), and unwisely married a man who didn't give much, if any indication of genuine faith. About five years in, he found another woman, left his wife for her, and initiated divorce.

I'd consider this abandonment and regard her as free to remarry.

I absolutely would not consider marrying her myself as she is extremely obese (ex husband was the same), and she still has some feminist tendencies (though I do believe her to be a regenerate Christian).

Lawful to marry.... I believe so
Unwise to marry at this point.... Probably

 

[NickF]

I will put out that even after Bathsheba commited adultery with David, she was still considered the wife of Uriah until his death. So the act did not disolve the union.

Are you saying you think she was still married to Uriah after his death? And that she was not married to David?

 

[FollowingHim]

I will put out that even after Bathsheba commited adultery with David, she was still considered the wife of Uriah until his death. So the act did not disolve the union.

I don't know what your point is, as nobody has suggested that sex with David dissolved her marriage to Uriah. You seem to have introduced a wholly new concept for some reason.

 

[BiblicalLiteralist]

It was a response to Mark C's reply regarding an adulteress not being entitled to a get. Just because she commited adultery does not make her divorced.

Post* I've always had trouble wrapping my head around the idea of divorce in the first place, as adultery was a death sentence, and marriage ends at death.

 

[FollowingHim]

Asking for clarity... For your divorce criteria, are you thinking along the lines of what Jesus said in Matthew? In other words, a "biblically correct" divorced woman would be one that was either: a.) Maritally unfaithful, or b.) Anything else, which would cause her to become an adulteress and you an adulterer. If that is the basis, is your concern then about the wisdom of entering a situation where one of these two scenarios is guaranteed: a.) Taking a proven unfaithful woman, or b.) becoming an adulterer? And, in light of option "b", is that why you followed with "is it wise...only after the husband's death?"

Precisely this.

So you don't actually mean "properly divorced" (i.e. the husband followed the correct process), you meant "justly divorced" (she deserved it)?

No, a woman who was "justly divorced" - who had committed adultery - would usually be an unwise woman to marry, as she has demonstrated an unfaithful spirit and is more likely to be unfaithful to you.

But a woman who did not deserve divorce, but was "properly divorced" by her husband unjustly for some other reason, has nothing specific against her. Whether she is a wise woman to marry or not will come down to other factors.

 

[FollowingHim]

It was a response to Mark C's reply regarding an adulteress not being entitled to a get. Just because she commited adultery does not make her divorced.

I'm confused. Are you agreeing with him and illustrating it further, or disagreeing and thinking you are offering a counter-example?

 

[BiblicalLiteralist]

So you don't actually mean "properly divorced" (i.e. the husband followed the correct process), you meant "justly divorced" (she deserved it)?

No, a woman who was "justly divorced" - who had committed adultery - would usually be an unwise woman to marry, as she has demonstrated an unfaithful spirit and is more likely to be unfaithful to you.

But a woman who did not deserve divorce, but was "properly divorced" by her husband unjustly for some other reason, has nothing specific against her. Whether she is a wise woman to marry or not will come down to other factors.

I dont see the two as interchangeable. For a divorce to be valid, sexual immorality had to be commited. That leaves only three legitimate reasons for divorce. Adultery, beastiality or afound out untrue virgin. All carried death sentences.

 

[BiblicalLiteralist]

I'm confused. Are you agreeing with him and illustrating it further, or disagreeing and thinking you are offering a counter-example?

Neither, I miss read his statement and thought he was saying she did not need a get because her adultery disolved the marriage.

 

[Joleneakamama]

I dont see the two as interchangeable. For a divorce to be valid, sexual immorality had to be commited. That leaves only three legitimate reasons for divorce. Adultery, beastiality or afound out untrue virgin. All carried death sentences.

You are forgetting they were forbidden to marry certain people. In Ezra there is an example of "putting away" foreign wives. No divorce certificate needed....they were never lawful wives. Also with incest. No divorce needed, the union was pornia.

That is what I see Yeshua talking about. Sending a wife out "putting away" for any cause but pornia leaves her still bound by law to her husband = causes her to commit adultery as well as the one who is with the not yet biblically divorced woman.