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Support What to do when spouse rejects her faith

Sean Miller

Sean Miller

Member
Male
Hey all,
So poly has been nothing but easy, and as those of you who know me from on here, I don't pretend to know everything and accept I am imperfect and make mistakes. So that said, my 1st wife has officially denounced her faith in Christ and the written scriptures, due to her research for her book she has come to the attention of reading Paul and Jesus by Jams D. Tabor. As well as reading Jesus Interrupted by Bart D. Ehrman.

From my understanding these men are agnostic and they take the position that the NT and most of it, based on history of that era, is inaccurate, not authentic and plagiarized by writers who were not the noted authors.

Okay so in a nut shell, since she no longer accepts Christ or the teachings in the NT to be historically accurate she will no longer live by it. What does that mean? well it means she wants a divorce or something similar?? To not accept my leadership, to not submit to me or the scriptures, to not teach the bible, even though she says she thinks there is good about it. She will stay, for the moment, in my home but does not want any affection (1 week ago she was being affectionate), ie sex, and she does not want me to marry or bring another wife into our/my home.

Naturally I am very heartbroken and upset but I am saying little as I honestly do not know what to do. Do I remain living with her, supporting her and so forth as she continues to do her motherly duties in the home? I have made it very clear, and she agreed, that I am not okay with her discussing her agnostic faith with my other children or my other spouse. I know I will want to marry again in the future, so do I abandon that because she doesn't like it or support it? I know what she is thinking and doing is dangerous to my family and my/her and I's children, but she refuses to accept how this is the case.

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord, how am I able to do that when one in my house wont? I am only seeking out wisdom here, prayer and direction. I haven't responded to much as I do not know what to say else to her, I don't know if It is the best thing for us to stay in the same home let alone for her to be around my other wife and children as an educator. She also now refuses to spank our children again for the same reasons I already mentioned. Please pray, and comment after you have, I really don't have the energy for attacks towards me or insults so please respect my request in responding. Thanks!
 
Wow
I will be praying for all y’all.
 
Praying.
 
Show her love and understanding. Ask questions and listen. A lot. Pray.

This is something that you must be very patient with. Forcing the issue will result opposite what you desire.

Will be praying.
 
Praying for you and your family. May YaHWeH guide you.
 
Something that may be helpful would be to brush up on apologetics. Not to force her back but to be ready to answer questions she may have and help guide her back. Gary Habermas, John Lennox, and William Lane Craig have a lot of good videos on Youtube.
I'll keep praying for you.
 
Heb 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.


1Co 7:10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:

1Co 7:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

1Co 7:12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

1Co 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

1Co 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

1Co 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.


Eph_6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.


Even God will respect her free-will. However, you have the spiritual authority to bind the spiritual (i.e. demon) force that has deceived her. You must fight this in the realm of the Spirit, through prayer; and in the flesh with patience, and love.

You have the authority and the right to demand (in the realm of the spirit) that the voices of the enemy be silent and that she be granted a clear mind with which to choose. It is up to her to choose (hopefully without demonic pressure) whether to follow your leadership or not. Your best weapon is to bind the ‘spiritual opposition’ and offer love and reason until you can determine her heart's free-will. If she of a free and willing mind makes this choice, you cannot stop her. However, when the voices of the spiritual opposition are silenced, she may then choose truth. Then if a demon is present, it can be cast out. You, as head, have the right to maintain the spiritual climate of your domain.

If you insist on a proper spiritual climate in your home and she departs, that’s on her, spiritually speaking. If she has a legal marriage and a lawyer and chooses divorce, it will take all of your integrity in the realm of the Spirit to do the right thing. I will pray for you. May you find wisdom and strength through this. May you find the proper understanding and obtain direction from the Holy Spirit.

Evidence That Demands a Verdict by Josh McDowell is very good and gives extensive evidence for faith and the veracity of the scripture. God is looking for faith. He does not give PROOF but does give evidence that makes faith a logical choice.
 
I know it would wreck me if my wife suddenly did all that. I'm going to stop short of giving advice, because I really don't know your family. My impulse would be to say to my own wife "Hey, you know my beliefs about marriage. If you're staying married to me, we're having sex. I think you're dangerously wrong, but that doesn't change the fact that I love you and don't want to be apart from you until one of us is dead." And from my perspective it would also be a foregone conclusion that I wouldn't be pursuing other women until the situation had been resolved. (I'm heavily into peace in the home, so I only want to deal with one 'wild card' at a time. If my wife suddenly became unpredictable, I wouldn't be looking to add a girlfriend into the mix.)

Other than that I think @PeteR 's advice is spot on. Also, if you've got the faith for it @Jim an Apostle 's advice about spiritual warfare is worth considering.
 
Good morning, @Sean Miller, I wasn't intending to be on here this morning but was checking a PM and then my eye caught your new thread. I've only been on the forum for a little over a year, but I've seen you shepherd the flock our Father has given you. I've seen you be comfortable and apt with the plural family you have. Man! I'm sure this has blind sided you, but I'd say it's been a while in coming. Your 1st has begun thinking this way for some time as she's read and researched for her book. What is the subject of the book she is writing? Unfortunately, at times, research does expose us to beliefs contrary to those we consider foundational. Being a mom of 6 myself, I hear the concern and fear of how this 1st may begin to influence and sway young minds, and even perhaps other wives. Let me encourage you to "clean" your house. Are there other books/magazines in your home occupying space which tear down or nibble at the foundation of your faith and that of your home? Is there music that subliminally carries a counter message? Are there safeguards in place for your children who may be online? Your home is a greenhouse in the big world in which we all live as adults. Each of us are going to encounter ideas and concepts beyond ourselves. It's part of our growth, tempering of our metal, and grounding that has to occur as we mature. What you allow in your greenhouse for your young plants will determine their bent once they encounter the outside world. I'm soooo aware that the outside world often has ready access to our greenhouse today.

Your Father has brought you to this battle ground. You didn't ask for it; Father has said, "Here, son, this is for you. Will you allow me to grow you? Will you allow me to help you win this battle? Whatever you do, don't forget the Litmus Test for all believers (John 13:35). @PeteR also encouraged you in this. :) Your 1st may well begin to look and sound like the enemy. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that she is not! She is definitely being influenced by the enemy. Eph. 6:12 "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." She is "under the influence"--often a phrase used with addicts. Remember you stand at the door of your tent. Your influence "As for me and my house...." reigns in your home. Through the supreme God of the universe, you have the ability to overcome. I John 4:4 "Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world." Encourage yourself in the LORD God, as did David long before he became king.

As you have a few minutes, please do keep us here at BF up to date so we can pray effectively for you. Love, love, love her! I'm convinced that no matter the battle, love, agape love, has the upper hand that wins the day. It's God's way! Us humans just have trouble getting there. Don't miss understand me, please. I'm not saying "tough love" isn't agape love. Your 1st needs your solid rock stability, firmness as your pilot your ark, and unwavering, unconditional love all bundled up in you as her shepherd. :) I'll be praying!
 
We will be praying.

You've got hidden root problems to deal with. The women of this world show affection to their husbands, that's a matter of basic biology and basics of marriage not changing religious faith. If her faith was strong, a single book would be unlikely to destroy it. And if her position in marriage was strong, changing faith probably wouldn't shake that either. Changing faith is a symptom, not cause.

Pray and fast, hard, in secret. Be quick in repentance and crying out to God for help. I have no idea your failings, or not, in this matter but your job is to increase her sanctification not decrease it. She's doing the opposite. Don't just blame it on some books.

Sean Miller said:
well it means she wants a divorce or something similar?? She will stay, for the moment, in my home but does not want any affection
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I take it from this she is leaving you, just not yet? If so, I see little reason to humor her. The marriage is over, she just haven't found someone to monkey branch to yet. If she claims she's not divorcing, just not sure what to do; well, you have more room to work but don't fool yourself, you're marriage is dead man walking. She's little more than a roommate.

I don't know your wife or how you do your marriage but so far as I'm concerned if a woman is under my roof, she should still respect my authority for how the children are raised, how we interact, etc. The reasons for your standards (religion, personal opinion, etc) shouldn't affect her obedience.
 
I will be praying for you and your family @Sean Miller as you walk through this difficult situation.

Almost 18 years ago hubby and I went through a challenging time. I didn't renounce my faith, but spiritually we were very much not on the same page. Hubby believed I was listening to a wrong spirit, and this did threaten our marriage. There is a reason husbands are told to love their wives. Even when you know you are right, the truth is on your side and you have an idiot proof argument, trying to convince your wife that she's wrong will probably not help things.
You need to walk according to the direction YHWH gives you, so what I say may have no value in your situation. That said, what convinced me of my husband's love for me, was him loving me when I was the most unlovely.

Slumberfreeze said:
My impulse would be to say to my wife "Hey, you know my beliefs about marriage. If you're staying married to me, we're having sex. I think you're dangerously wrong, but that doesn't change the fact that I love you and don't want to be apart from you until one of us is dead."
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My hubby didn't say what is in the quote above, but he made it super clear to me without words, that he loved me and wanted to be with me. His actions proved his love beyond any doubt.

Your wife being a woman wants and needs your leadership and authority, whether she will admit it or not, but she needs to feel your love too.

If she can see that your actions and decisions are motivated by love it won't matter whether your actions are limiting her influence on the children, or dragging her off to the bedroom, it will ultimately help your relationship with her.

I will be praying that truth and the love of YHWH bridges all potential barriers to communication in your family, and YHWH leads and guides you through this trial.

*edited to clarify that I do not condone forcing a wife with my comment about dragging her off to the bedroom. A hubby should be able to persuade his wife.
 
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@Sean Miller I will be praying for you. I’m sure this has been very unexpected and you are probably reeling.

FWIW, I would suggest looking into the Jewish custom of put away. Divorced but not divorced. This may be something that you could utilize to keep proximity, give her space with boundaries, and see what God will do in her heart to draw her back. Worse case scenario, the actual divorce is postponed for a while. A slightly better scenario would be that she remains in your home, under your covering and able to continue as a wife in name only. Obviously that’s not what you’d want long term, but it may be the bridge you need to keep her around long enough for God to work in her heart.

Hoping it works out.
 
Love her.

Don't try to argue, whether scripture or apologetics; that's for others in her life. You just love her, and if possible, accept her and where she is at in her spiritual journey.

If she sees you as her ally, someone who loves and supports her whatever may come, rather than a new enemy she needs to distance herself from, it can completely change the tone of the conflict.
 
This is indeed heartbreaking. I agree with those who site 1 Cor 7:12 that is she is willing to stay you should not put her out. Even when we are unfaithful Christ continues to love us. Love your wife the same way. Do you best to fulfill your vows and be faithful to her no matter what she does to the best of your ability. That is all you can do and all you are required to do. God bless you and your family.
 
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