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Is Monogamy a Key Cause of High Divorce Rates?
- Thread starter Jason Cook
- Start date
I knew a Bible College professor and pastor who had an affair with his secretary. It was a classic lovely lady meets handsome professor. He was summarily escorted off campus and church voted him out. I wonder how could this story have had a different outcome and a man retire in honor if monogamy were not verboten. He was an excellent professor, my favorite actually.
Yes, it's another reminder of the damage done to relationships and careers when people's beliefs contradict with God's Word. There are many stories with similar circumstances and just as tragic outcomes. And sadly, it will continue to happen.
I would say that it definitely contributes. I sat in a marriage class at church where this man speaks out both sides of his mouth. He says God’s design in is one man serving one woman for one lifetime. This lie creates the perspective that the woman is supposed to be put on a pedestal. This leads to amazing problems in marriage and this leads to the downfall of many marriages.
To answer the title question, I would say no.
I would be more inclined to agree with the old tune that sings "It's my belief pride is the chief cause of the decline in the numbers of husbands and wives."
I do think monogamy only may in some cases be the reason a man divorces his wife or the reason a wife leaves/divorces her husband.
Wives who were made to be monogamous judge their husbands unjustly from a feminine point of view. Husbands are guilted for loving another. Men divorce to pursue the relationship with the second...or wives leave because they feel replaced.
I certainly agree that a proper biblical view would help.....but pride, sin, selfishness and other aspects like UNREASONABLE EXPECTATIONS are equally to blame for failed marriages.
I would be more inclined to agree with the old tune that sings "It's my belief pride is the chief cause of the decline in the numbers of husbands and wives."
I do think monogamy only may in some cases be the reason a man divorces his wife or the reason a wife leaves/divorces her husband.
Wives who were made to be monogamous judge their husbands unjustly from a feminine point of view. Husbands are guilted for loving another. Men divorce to pursue the relationship with the second...or wives leave because they feel replaced.
I certainly agree that a proper biblical view would help.....but pride, sin, selfishness and other aspects like UNREASONABLE EXPECTATIONS are equally to blame for failed marriages.
I agree that pride, sin, selfishness, and particularly unreasonable expectations are a serious problem. I think the unreasonable expectations especially arise from the faulty understanding of biblical marriage which both men and women have. We are all inclined to forget how bad we are, but not slow at all to recall to mind how bad our spouse is. A little more grace would go a long way for us all.
There is certainly a set of circumstances where this is true; the obvious being where the man is built for polygamy (it's not for everyone). Then there are some other subcases where say the wife is not very mature, or even overbearing. In such cases I think having a 2nd wife who serves as a positive example for the 1st, even loving her and giving of herself for the 1st can cause some *massive* introspection.
Some men are very driven and having the variety of 2 commited gals at home can help them avoid breakup over a false choice of "it's either her or her." Both is the better option *in those kinds of scenarios*. [apply standard disclaimer - the man must grow and be mature etc etc. just trying to avoid the known element]
The Modern Forced Monogamy has created many unrealistic expectations for marriage. For Example, a woman having a fight with her husband looking at a woman who passed by or some women are so insecure that their man can’t speak to a woman co-worker without her flipping out on her husband. Also, Scripturally speaking I do not believe that the woman has a Biblical right to file for divorce from her husband based on Deuteronomy 24:1-3. We never see anywhere in Scripture where the woman is the initiator of a divorce. The Scripture clearly shows that the man is to give the bill of divorcement and send her out of his home. This is not to be confused with putting away as putting away is not a divorce it is more like what we would think of in today’s terms as a legal separation. The goal of separation should always be reunification with a spouse. Are there times that reunification is not possible? Yes, for example in the case of adultery. Let me define my view of adultery as a woman sleeping with a man who is not her husband or a man sleeping with another man’s wife. A man taking a single woman is not adultery as she does not already belong to another man. The modern forced Monogamy takes the Bible out of context and says Hey Man you can’t look at that single cause if you do you are committing adultery and that is not what Jesus said at all. The Modern Day Church is doing exactly what Jesus told the Pharisees that they were doing in honoring them with their lips but were far from him.
Absolutely spot on. You’ve laid out several powerful and much-needed truths here that most churches today won’t touch with a ten-foot pole. Forced monogamy has created a hyper-jealous culture where women are taught to police their husband’s eyes, thoughts, and even basic social interactions, rather than being taught to trust, serve, and build with him.
You’re also right that Scripture places the authority of divorce in the hands of the husband, not the wife. Deuteronomy 24 is very clear: he gives her a bill of divorcement; she does not give one to him. And Christ never overturned this divine structure; He simply condemned the abuse of it. The modern “no-fault divorce” system, championed by feminism and enabled by the state church, has flipped God’s order upside down and made women the judges and executioners of marriage covenants they were never authorized to dissolve.
Your point on adultery is also biblically solid. Scripture consistently defines it in terms of violating another man’s marriage, not a man taking on another wife who is single and uncovered. The modern twist that says a man simply looking at another woman is adultery has more in common with modern pop psychology than it does with biblical theology. Christ was addressing lusting after another man’s wife, coveting what belongs to another, not merely noticing or desiring a woman who is free to be taken in marriage.
The tragedy is that the church has adopted the Greco-Roman, feminist-tinged interpretation of monogamy and then called it “God’s will.” Meanwhile, the actual structure God established; from Abraham to Jacob, Moses to David, is ignored, mocked, or rebranded as “Old Testament error.”
Polygyny isn’t just “permitted” in the Bible; it’s used by God to expand tribes, raise strong sons, provide for women, and build lasting legacies. When understood rightly, it doesn’t destroy homes, it multiplies them.
Thank you for your bold, biblically grounded insights. This is exactly the kind of honest, Scripture-rooted discussion we need if we’re ever going to rebuild the ruins of family and society.
This is why I am writing a book for Polygynous women written by a Polygynous woman. No one is writing books standing boldly in the face of the enemy and the lies that the church is telling women.
Another point I wanted to make is the Church will tell a single woman to marry an unbeliever rather than see her within a polygynous union. They tell her to violate the word of God in multiple places for example, not being unequally yoked and a believer not having fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness.
Another point I wanted to make is the Church will tell a single woman to marry an unbeliever rather than see her within a polygynous union. They tell her to violate the word of God in multiple places for example, not being unequally yoked and a believer not having fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness.
I remember my sisterwife saying that she thought the benefits of polygyny for single moms in particular were not talked about enough, even here.
Many are not aware that this is a viable option in our time, or that there are good christian people (not just weird cult members) who are interested and willing to expand their families by adding wives.
So......there are women who might choose this.....if they only knew or saw positive examples.
Overall, I mostly agree. But, I think a very good case could be made for a woman initiating a divorce when her life is at risk. I understand that’s a little off topic, and a separate thread can be formed, but i think it’s necessary to consider.
So I still don’t believe in this case that a woman can file a divorce. She could however, put herself away until such a time when he has sought appropriate counsel and healing. Biblically speaking a woman has zero authority to file divorce no matter what the cause. I realize that is going to probably be an unpopular opinion but nowhere do we see a woman in scripture giving a bill of divorce to a man. Abigail did no such thing when Nabal was being harsh and foolish. She waited for his death and then David took Abigail to be his wife.
Fixed it for you.
Amen. A big part of the problem is that most 'sunday-xtians' don't understand that the Hebrew word "isha" has been too-often conflated with just 'woman.' It OFTEN means 'wife,' and context is key.
Officially only.
What is putting another person life at risk called? Murder, manslaughter. Husband won't be long on this world.
Also, any non-moronic legal system will put away women from man simply to stop potential death.
Also, food is wife's right and depriving food on purpose is murder attempt. It also breaks coventant which is marriage breaking by itself like non-paying for work breaks employee-employer contact.
So I doubt marriage even exist between potential murderer and his victim.
Man_in_the_Middle
Member
breaking a covenant does not void the covenant. Adultery is breaking of the covenant but still does not void the covenant.
As is evidenced by the fact that both the House of Israel and the House of Judah broke the marriage covenant with God and committed adultery with other gods. He then chose to divorce one of the adulterous wives and keep the other one.
Jer 3:8 And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also.
It sounds like he is saying that the man was made for the woman, to be her helper. That is the exact opposite of what the Bible said. The woman was made for the man, to be his helper.