Hello, my name is Chris. I’ve been a pastor and in ministry of some sort for the last 25 years. Up until the last year the subject of polygyny wasn’t even a topic to discuss, it was automatically put into the category of adultery. No discussion, no point in even considering anything different. In an effort to begin to better myself and my place as a father of 4 and husband to my wife of 25 years I began a deep study into the concept of Biblical headship and authority then into Patriarchy. Of course starting with Jesus, who in turn pointed back to the patriarchs. Still through this study, even though it was right in front of me, the idea of polygyny being any part of this study was nothing more than a side comment.
Then one day my wife came to me with a problem. A woman, her close friend, and her 4 young children were in a situation. This woman was in an unwed, unsaved relationship wot the father of her youngest (5) and he became abusive. She had stayed in the relationship but had left and come back several times before the physical abuse happened. My wife wanted advice on how to help her and my response was she needs to get out. As I walked down the hallway away from our bedroom I heard the Lord speak and tell me that he was putting this woman and her four children into my care and headship. No problem! I can help and take care of whatever I need to. We got them out, into their own place. I bought her a new vehicle and we began spending our time with this new adopted family. Our kids are best friends but little did I know I would fall completely in love with the kids. My desires shifted as I prayed over them daily, and over the woman as well. Then I began to struggle with something, not lust or sexual desire but a feeling of being out of place in the roll I had taken on. I have become a father figure to the children, so much so that the youngest two have continually asked if I can be their daddy. The older two cling to me and I have filled a roll that they lacked. For the woman I have filled the roll of husband in every way but conjugal. I have fallen in love with them all. Then I felt like I was in sin for having these feeling especially towards the woman. The truth is I want to be her provider, her protector and husband but it’s adultery, right? So, I went right back to scripture to prove that I was wrong and in sin and walk away from this responsibility, the one I know God put in my charge. That’s where I fell head first into the rabbit hole. I stumbled upon an article about the Polygamist pastor, Rich Tidwell, so I investigated and ended up connecting with him on FB. He actually called and talked with me and warned me that even bringing this up could land me in a divorce. He wasn’t wrong on landing me in hot water.
So where do I stand? No I didn’t get divorced over the subject but it’s been a hard discussion with my wife. Started with “you’re twisting scripture to make an excuse, I’ll leave you!”, to “I don’t think you’re wrong but it’s not for you!”, to dealing with bouts of jealousy and fear of loss, to competition anxiety. I’m not one to take things slowly or quietly. I jumped into studying out what the Bible really says and have extensively gone through Pete Rambo’s studies, Rob Ks podcasts and that’s where I found Jacob Foulk and read his book which was very eye opening. Jacob and I have had a chance to chat back and forth as well. I’m completely sure that the church has skewed scripture based on cultural narratives and while some may be intentional, I believe the majority of even our pastors and leaders are walking with blinders on.
I have a new passion to find the truth in scripture outside of culture, politics and world views and aim sure it will lead me down additional rabbit holes.
Back to where I am now. Well, I am still married to my beautiful bride, have 4 amazing kids, still stepping in for our adopted family and working through life with new understanding and revelation.
Then one day my wife came to me with a problem. A woman, her close friend, and her 4 young children were in a situation. This woman was in an unwed, unsaved relationship wot the father of her youngest (5) and he became abusive. She had stayed in the relationship but had left and come back several times before the physical abuse happened. My wife wanted advice on how to help her and my response was she needs to get out. As I walked down the hallway away from our bedroom I heard the Lord speak and tell me that he was putting this woman and her four children into my care and headship. No problem! I can help and take care of whatever I need to. We got them out, into their own place. I bought her a new vehicle and we began spending our time with this new adopted family. Our kids are best friends but little did I know I would fall completely in love with the kids. My desires shifted as I prayed over them daily, and over the woman as well. Then I began to struggle with something, not lust or sexual desire but a feeling of being out of place in the roll I had taken on. I have become a father figure to the children, so much so that the youngest two have continually asked if I can be their daddy. The older two cling to me and I have filled a roll that they lacked. For the woman I have filled the roll of husband in every way but conjugal. I have fallen in love with them all. Then I felt like I was in sin for having these feeling especially towards the woman. The truth is I want to be her provider, her protector and husband but it’s adultery, right? So, I went right back to scripture to prove that I was wrong and in sin and walk away from this responsibility, the one I know God put in my charge. That’s where I fell head first into the rabbit hole. I stumbled upon an article about the Polygamist pastor, Rich Tidwell, so I investigated and ended up connecting with him on FB. He actually called and talked with me and warned me that even bringing this up could land me in a divorce. He wasn’t wrong on landing me in hot water.
So where do I stand? No I didn’t get divorced over the subject but it’s been a hard discussion with my wife. Started with “you’re twisting scripture to make an excuse, I’ll leave you!”, to “I don’t think you’re wrong but it’s not for you!”, to dealing with bouts of jealousy and fear of loss, to competition anxiety. I’m not one to take things slowly or quietly. I jumped into studying out what the Bible really says and have extensively gone through Pete Rambo’s studies, Rob Ks podcasts and that’s where I found Jacob Foulk and read his book which was very eye opening. Jacob and I have had a chance to chat back and forth as well. I’m completely sure that the church has skewed scripture based on cultural narratives and while some may be intentional, I believe the majority of even our pastors and leaders are walking with blinders on.
I have a new passion to find the truth in scripture outside of culture, politics and world views and aim sure it will lead me down additional rabbit holes.
Back to where I am now. Well, I am still married to my beautiful bride, have 4 amazing kids, still stepping in for our adopted family and working through life with new understanding and revelation.
