You are flying Assumption Airlines, until you have actually had the talk.
-
Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.
How to bring up Biblical marriage
- Thread starter NBTX11
- Start date
He’s like one of my best friends. I know him extremely well. He was literally my next door neighbor for several years. I coached his kid in football. We hang out together at outings. I’ve had hundreds of one on one Bible conversations with him including other controversial topics. Replace the word “my pastor” with “my friend”.
Currently I’m a small group (Sunday school) leader and I run the football program for the Christian school associated with the church and have been the children’s pastor in the past. Personally believe he’ll be ok with my view as long as I don’t rabidly start pushing it in small groups. I just got asked about multiple wives in class a few weeks ago and I kind of chickened out. I didn’t have time to get into it at the end of class so I basically punted on the topic until a later date. I did bring up wife submission in class and gave them a Bible answer last week though.
Then you attract your wife every day and what you do with her is what a potential plural will see.
Nothing. I just haven’t felt the need to up until this point. I will though.
No one here knows him like you do. I pray that you are correct about his loyalty and willingness to hear hard truths.
Many people here have even lost close family members over this issue, hence the warnings.
Well, you may be riding for a fall by being positive about any pastor accepting this. We had a moderator here years ago who felt that way about his minister....a blood relative too as I recall. His story is here.
Your friend that probably likes his social position and job.
Many here have found out that social norms trump truth in this area....and boat rockers are likely to just get the boot.
There’s a difference from accepting it to preaching it. Will he preach it from the pulpit? Probably not although he has gone against conventional teachings in the past. He also runs the risk of losing his job. Will he accept it in his private beliefs. Possibly so.
You accept a spiritual revelation that 95% of Christianity rejects/hates/fears, and you are this blasé about bringing it to your pastor?
Personal note: I’ve been down this road with two separate pastors who were also good friends. Neither of them came through.
Both died of strokes too early.
@NBTX11, to be blunt, many of us have been kicked out of churches by church leaders whom we considered close personal friends until this issue arose. Many have been kicked out of churches just for thinking this is ok (myself included), without having any prospect in mind at all. Your situation gives far more reason for someone to reject you as you have approached someone, and that information is unlikely to stay confidential if this becomes messy. You are far too confident about this. Do not assume anything. Be prepared to be seriously disappointed. You should still discuss this with the pastor, but you need to be more realistic rather than imagining sunshine and butterflies.
I’m prepared to get kicked out of church. I just don’t necessarily feel it will happen. If I show up with two wives I may quietly be asked to leave, however short of that I feel like I will be heard and listened to. Especially since I’ve personally known and am good friends with the entire church staff including the pastor and deacons. I’ve sat on every imaginable church board and have made decisions on behalf of the church. I was on the pulpit committee when we hired the current pastor. Maybe I’m wrong about all this. I guess we’ll see.
If you haven't processed this possibility as a reality...
You are not really prepared.
People tend to get irrational about poly. Brace yourself.
I was on the leadership committee of our local church, preaching every few weeks. I was raised in this church and had been associated with it on and off all my life. I knew every single person in leadership very well, and they had known me since I was a child. I had no prospects on the horizon and this was entirely a theoretical idea that I was quite happy to be told not to mention in church, and had been careful to rarely mention in church as it was. Nevertheless:
The left foot of fellowship strikes again!
Well, it's happened to plenty of others before, and now it's happened to us. We too know the feel of the left foot of fellowship. If you don't recognise the terminology, the right hand of fellowship is what the church extends when it welcomes you in. If you're a druggie off the street, a...
www.biblicalfamilies.org
Of course, you might be right. Stranger things have happened. But if I was a bookie I'd give 20:1 odds you're wrong.
The single woman that sees you as "safe" and the church that sees you as "traditional" have something in common. They will both see YOU In a different light once this topic is broached. They may be ignorant, you may be righteous, but just like king Ahab wrongly called Elijah the "troubler of Israel" expect these to believe YOU are the heretic, the lust driven selfish man out to collect a harem.
Woman talk. You should assume your potential has told everyone close to her.
I can't resist, but maybe you have chosen wrong sister? May I also recommend "taming the screw" on her? At least saboteur will become ally.
But they are here.
Do you expect bottom feeder to live without sex and just accept their sexless fate? Won't happen.
Don't be suprised. It's custom on this forum for discussion to go sideway.
See, just as I write this topic isn't anymore helping @NBTX11 in his predicament or general advice how to get 2nd wife. No, current topic is warning him aboug being throw out of church.
And, if pay a little more attention, only @MeganC has in last page and half stayed on topic and written something useful/insighful with this post:
How to bring up Biblical marriage
Once you decide this sounds nice....letting the idea go just doesn't really happen. You're right. I doubt I would abandon this search at this point.
biblicalfamilies.org
You did write good post about laughter, just less powerful than @MeganC