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Support Intercontinental couple struggling with polygyny

G

genoholst

New Member
Hi there! I’m a late 20’s man from Southeast Asia and I can describe myself as a digital nomad. My wife is an early 20’s woman from Latin America and now we live in Latin America. She came from a traditional conservative household, is a student, housewife, and occasional freelancer.

I'm seeking counsel and fellowship for my situation.

The summary is: As of the end of September of 2025 I am no longer scared of my wife of 3 years, which has been instrumental in me taking my life back and taking the lead for real. However, since I generally prefer telling the truth and suffering the consequences to lying or hiding, I also told her I was polygynous after being questioned if I wanted another wife.

So for the last 21 days, I have been dealing with this situation. 18/21 of the days have been great and I have finally been feeling like myself again before my marriage troubles. I have even gone to the redpill forum out of curiosity, and I learned a bit about male-female dynamics, but a lot of it isn't biblical but a caricature. In the end I want something Biblical and to follow the Bible and to follow Jesus. God has been my main help, support, and strength, but I also think He didn't create man as an island, so it's about time I reached out for some biblical fellowship and counsel.

I reached out to a few people, but they haven't replied in days or weeks, so I finally registered in this forum, which I have known about. I don't want to keep it to myself anymore and I am looking for counsel and fellowship.

Because my situation is quite complex, I've laid it out in a Google Doc that's 6000-words long. After some feedback, I've attached a summary at the top of just 750-words.

docs.google.com

My situation

Short Bio I’m a late 20’s man from Southeast Asia and I can describe myself as a digital nomad. My wife is an early 20’s woman from Latin America and now we live in Latin America. She came from a traditional conservative household, is a student, housewife, and occasional freelancer. Due to some ...
docs.google.com docs.google.com

This is my first post on here, so nice to meet y'all, and hopefully I'm doing my first post right!
 
genoholst said:
Hi there! I’m a late 20’s man from Southeast Asia and I can describe myself as a digital nomad. My wife is an early 20’s woman from Latin America and now we live in Latin America. She came from a traditional conservative household, is a student, housewife, and occasional freelancer.

I'm seeking counsel and fellowship for my situation.

The summary is: As of the end of September of 2025 I am no longer scared of my wife of 3 years, which has been instrumental in me taking my life back and taking the lead for real. However, since I generally prefer telling the truth and suffering the consequences to lying or hiding, I also told her I was polygynous after being questioned if I wanted another wife.

So for the last 21 days, I have been dealing with this situation. 18/21 of the days have been great and I have finally been feeling like myself again before my marriage troubles. I have even gone to the redpill forum out of curiosity, and I learned a bit about male-female dynamics, but a lot of it isn't biblical but a caricature. In the end I want something Biblical and to follow the Bible and to follow Jesus. God has been my main help, support, and strength, but I also think He didn't create man as an island, so it's about time I reached out for some biblical fellowship and counsel.

I reached out to a few people, but they haven't replied in days or weeks, so I finally registered in this forum, which I have known about. I don't want to keep it to myself anymore and I am looking for counsel and fellowship.

Because my situation is quite complex, I've laid it out in a Google Doc that's 6000-words long. After some feedback, I've attached a summary at the top of just 750-words.

docs.google.com

My situation

Short Bio I’m a late 20’s man from Southeast Asia and I can describe myself as a digital nomad. My wife is an early 20’s woman from Latin America and now we live in Latin America. She came from a traditional conservative household, is a student, housewife, and occasional freelancer. Due to some ...
docs.google.com docs.google.com

This is my first post on here, so nice to meet y'all, and hopefully I'm doing my first post right!
Click to expand...
Thank you for taking the time to write a details story outlining the progress you and your wife have made along the way.

I think you will find that the increased sexual passion you are experiencing is directly correlated to the masculine energy that she is is experiencing from you. The feminine craves this masculinity. The reason that she experience the ability to orgasm while thinking of the character played by the man in the TV series is that he is acting in a very masculine way. He is not acting in a Godly way but it is certainly masculine. He is going after what he desires and even though she knows that it is inherently wrong, it is masculine in it's energy.

Your wife will continue to increase in desire towards you as you act masculine. FYI, it is not masculine to ask if you can have sex with her. Just be loving towards her as you have been and demonstrate what you want with her sexually. She will want you.

I do not advise you to continue giving her percentages in how likely you are to taking another wife. The percentage is ZERO until opportunity presents itself. After starting active conversations with another woman, my wife asked me point blank if I would choose the other woman over her. I told her that this was a wrongheaded question. A better question was would I choose my current wife over my right to have another wife.
To which I informed her that the answer was I would choose to have the option of having another wife over her even if that meant losing her and having no one. I will not give up my God giving right to any woman. At the time, she thought I was ducking the question but today, she fully knows and realizes that my answer was genuine.

I think you need to begin to wash your wife in the water of the word of God. Let her understand by doing that that you are not choosing to live without a moral code but that your core moral code is derived from the word of God. This will naturally include the scriptures that teach us to treat our wives well. We are to love them and care for them and treat them as a weaker vessel.

Exodus 21:10 If he takes another woman for him, he does not withdraw her food, her covering, and her habitation;

1Peter 3:7 Husbands, in like manner, dwelling with them, according to knowledge, as to a weaker vessel—to the wife—imparting honor, as also being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers are not hindered.

Bear in mind, the man that finds a wife, not only finds a good thing but obtaineth favor from God!
For the first one only? It does not say that. More wives = More Favor? I think so...
Pro 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

There are verses in the bible that tell wives that they should be in submission to their husbands.

Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Eph 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Eph 5:26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
Eph 5:27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
Eph 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

Col_3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
Col_3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

Does this mean that a husband should treat them evilly? NO! We are to love them as we love ourselves.

I really believe that you should begin using scripture to show her your view of headship and authority. It is the ROLE that God put you in, not something that you are stealing from her. She will be blessed to be your helpmate and be able to operate in her role if you are operating in yours.

I am sure you will hear from many others here as well.
Shalom...
 
Last edited:
Hi and welcome to Biblical Families. It's great to have you join the polygyny community here. There is a lot of information available for dealing with the challenges around polygyny.

One of the women on the forum wrote a very insightful account of her journey into understanding polygyny. You may find it helpful to read for yourself and grow in your understanding of a woman's perspective on coming to grips with polygyny. I think your wife would be richly blessed to read it.

Here's the link: https://whenwebecamethree.wixsite.com/home/post/pealing-the-onion-intro

Blessings and best wishes for your future.
 
shalom and welcome

Man_in_the_Middle said:
I do not advise you to continue giving her percentages in how likely you are to taking another wife. The percentage is ZERO until opportunity presents itself.
Click to expand...

This quote will be one of the most valuable to keep in mind on your journey. The increased awareness of this option and the technology available to make it a reality have increased the possibility, but it’s not always something you snap your fingers and find in front of you.
 
Mojo said:
shalom and welcome



This quote will be one of the most valuable to keep in mind on your journey. The increased awareness of this option and the technology available to make it a reality have increased the possibility, but it’s not always something you snap your fingers and find in front of you.
Click to expand...
I do agree that it's 0%. It's just I'm more mathematically inclined. But yeah I agree that anymore mentions of percentages to my wife isn't helpful as she isn't mathematically inclined. It's just to let her know that no matter how small the percentage is, it's still there and it's important to me and our marriage.
 
frederick said:
Hi and welcome to Biblical Families. It's great to have you join the polygyny community here. There is a lot of information available for dealing with the challenges around polygyny.

One of the women on the forum wrote a very insightful account of her journey into understanding polygyny. You may find it helpful to read for yourself and grow in your understanding of a woman's perspective on coming to grips with polygyny. I think your wife would be richly blessed to read it.

Here's the link: https://whenwebecamethree.wixsite.com/home/post/pealing-the-onion-intro

Blessings and best wishes for your future.
Click to expand...
Blessings and thank you for sharing it. Actually I happened to have read almost the whole blog a few years ago, so I know of it, but it is most certainly very helpful for me to read it again. Thanks for bringing it up!
 
genoholst said:
I do agree that it's 0%. It's just I'm more mathematically inclined. But yeah I agree that anymore mentions of percentages to my wife isn't helpful as she isn't mathematically inclined. It's just to let her know that no matter how small the percentage is, it's still there and it's important to me and our marriage.
Click to expand...
Something I found that was particularly helpful for me and my first wife was keeping the whole of the Bible as the main thing. By that I mean, I tried to keep the focus on the truth and authority of Scripture rather than just one aspect: polygyny. I am fully aware of how much polygyny can occupy one's thinking once you've come to know and understand what God actually says, but it's only one truth amongst all the other matters God has for us in His Word. To quote Stephen Covey, "The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing." And the main thing with your wife is the whole counsel of Scripture, not just polygyny.
 
frederick said:
Something I found that was particularly helpful for me and my first wife was keeping the whole of the Bible as the main thing. By that I mean, I tried to keep the focus on the truth and authority of Scripture rather than just one aspect: polygyny. I am fully aware of how much polygyny can occupy one's thinking once you've come to know and understand what God actually says, but it's only one truth amongst all the other matters God has for us in His Word. To quote Stephen Covey, "The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing." And the main thing with your wife is the whole counsel of Scripture, not just polygyny.
Click to expand...
I understand and I agree on not hyper-focusing. Thank you. Many people must be praying for me because yesterday my wife wanted to go to church for the first time in 10 months. I felt the urge to go with her and alas, the church was being renovated, so we went to a café and did our own bible study in many many months, on Matthew 12, as (if you've read the Google Doc) she struggles with her faith and is new to reading scripture; barely halfway through her first book, Matthew.
 
Man_in_the_Middle said:
Thank you for taking the time to write a details story outlining the progress you and your wife have made along the way.

I think you will find that the increased sexual passion you are experiencing is directly correlated to the masculine energy that she is is experiencing from you. The feminine craves this masculinity. The reason that she experience the ability to orgasm while thinking of the character played by the man in the TV series is that he is acting in a very masculine way. He is not acting in a Godly way but it is certainly masculine. He is going after what he desires and even though she knows that it is inherently wrong, it is masculine in it's energy.

Your wife will continue to increase in desire towards you as you act masculine. FYI, it is not masculine to ask if you can have sex with her. Just be loving towards her as you have been and demonstrate what you want with her sexually. She will want you.

I do not advise you to continue giving her percentages in how likely you are to taking another wife. The percentage is ZERO until opportunity presents itself. After starting active conversations with another woman, my wife asked me point blank if I would choose the other woman over her. I told her that this was a wrongheaded question. A better question was would I choose my current wife over my right to have another wife.
To which I informed her that the answer was I would choose to have the option of having another wife over her even if that meant losing her and having no one. I will not give up my God giving right to any woman. At the time, she thought I was ducking the question but today, she fully knows and realizes that my answer was genuine.

I think you need to begin to wash your wife in the water of the word of God. Let her understand by doing that that you are not choosing to live without a moral code but that your core moral code is derived from the word of God. This will naturally include the scriptures that teach us to treat our wives well. We are to love them and care for them and treat them as a weaker vessel.

Exodus 21:10 If he takes another woman for him, he does not withdraw her food, her covering, and her habitation;

1Peter 3:7 Husbands, in like manner, dwelling with them, according to knowledge, as to a weaker vessel—to the wife—imparting honor, as also being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers are not hindered.

Bear in mind, the man that finds a wife, not only finds a good thing but obtaineth favor from God!
For the first one only? It does not say that. More wives = More Favor? I think so...
Pro 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

There are verses in the bible that tell wives that they should be in submission to their husbands.

Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Eph 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Eph 5:26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
Eph 5:27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
Eph 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

Col_3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
Col_3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

Does this mean that a husband should treat them evilly? NO! We are to love them as we love ourselves.

I really believe that you should begin using scripture to show her your view of headship and authority. It is the ROLE that God put you in, not something that you are stealing from her. She will be blessed to be your helpmate and be able to operate in her role if you are operating in yours.

I am sure you will hear from many others here as well.
Shalom...
Click to expand...
Thank you so much for your elaborate response. Makes total sense, what you said about masculinity.

Yeah I'm not going to give anymore percentages. I'm more mathematically inclined. But yeah I agree that anymore mentions of percentages to my wife isn't helpful as she isn't mathematically inclined. It's just to let her know that no matter how small the percentage is, it's still there and it's important to me and our marriage. Basically what you said, in a different way.

I will continue washing her. Many people must be praying for me because yesterday my wife wanted to go to church for the first time in 10 months. I felt the urge to go with her and alas, the church was being renovated when we arrived, so we went to a café and did our own bible study in many many months, on Matthew 12, as (if you've read the Google Doc) she struggles with her faith and is new to reading scripture; barely halfway through her first book, Matthew. I will continue this, praise God. May it continue for a while.
 
genoholst said:
Thank you so much for your elaborate response. Makes total sense, what you said about masculinity.

Yeah I'm not going to give anymore percentages. I'm more mathematically inclined. But yeah I agree that anymore mentions of percentages to my wife isn't helpful as she isn't mathematically inclined. It's just to let her know that no matter how small the percentage is, it's still there and it's important to me and our marriage. Basically what you said, in a different way.

I will continue washing her. Many people must be praying for me because yesterday my wife wanted to go to church for the first time in 10 months. I felt the urge to go with her and alas, the church was being renovated when we arrived, so we went to a café and did our own bible study in many many months, on Matthew 12, as (if you've read the Google Doc) she struggles with her faith and is new to reading scripture; barely halfway through her first book, Matthew. I will continue this, praise God. May it continue for a while.
Click to expand...
Glory to the Father! His wisdom is above ours and when we dig into scripture (as you and your wife did at the cafe), we gain wisdom from him.
Keep on with what you are doing. It sounds like it is going in a good direction!
 
Reading your whole text...your wife cries too much. Something is very wrong.

She is under heavy emotional storms she is unable to control. Too me, it seems as most important thing when getting woman to accept polygyny is to call those storms.

What is her perception of polygyny? What are her thoughts about polygyny? Here is real issue.
 
MemeFan said:
Reading your whole text...your wife cries too much. Something is very wrong.

She is under heavy emotional storms she is unable to control. Too me, it seems as most important thing when getting woman to accept polygyny is to call those storms.

What is her perception of polygyny? What are her thoughts about polygyny? Here is real issue.
Click to expand...
Wait! What? Her tears are normal for a woman who is coming to the understanding of polygny with the realization that her husband wants to take another wife. Perfectly normal....
 
Man_in_the_Middle said:
Wait! What? Her tears are normal for a woman who is coming to the understanding of polygny with the realization that her husband wants to take another wife. Perfectly normal....
Click to expand...
Not everyday crying.

Maybe once or twice. It would be more OK if she was just worried. Crying implies emotional anguish. That can't be good.
 
MemeFan said:
Not everyday crying.

Maybe once or twice. It would be more OK if she was just worried. Crying implies emotional anguish. That can't be good.
Click to expand...
Don't worry. Out of the 24 days so far, only 3 were more emotionally anguished ones. The rest we enjoyed with the new dynamics. I'm now setting the pace of the conversation, discussion, arguments, etc., and by extension, crying. Previously I would entertain her emotions for longer and would go broke from my work being affected (I freelance). So am not doing that anymore and am stepping up tk the plate. She's aware and does her best to cooperate now so that we will be able to sustain well. However I still need guidance, support, and prayers for when another serious conversation happens again, as even though we're enjoying the present, the future for us as a couple is less certain, due to the knowledge of the possibility of polygyny, slight it may be.
 
genoholst said:
Don't worry. Out of the 24 days so far, only 3 were more emotionally anguished ones. The rest we enjoyed with the new dynamics. I'm now setting the pace of the conversation, discussion, arguments, etc., and by extension, crying. Previously I would entertain her emotions for longer and would go broke from my work being affected (I freelance). So am not doing that anymore and am stepping up tk the plate. She's aware and does her best to cooperate now so that we will be able to sustain well. However I still need guidance, support, and prayers for when another serious conversation happens again, as even though we're enjoying the present, the future for us as a couple is less certain, due to the knowledge of the possibility of polygyny, slight it may be.
Click to expand...
That's an encouraging update. 👍
 
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