• Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.

Support Breaking news to family

S

Southerngirl00

Member
How did everyone tell their family members about poly? Especially those who aren’t a first wife, how did you share this news with your family and any children you had previous to joining a family? I’m not at this step yet but trying to be ahead of the game about it. Should I have him meet my whole family and child first or tell them beforehand?
 
Your child needs to know about the possibility as soon as possible. No one else matters much. Their reactions are set in stone and can not be effected by anything you do. You might as well make a general announcement and sit back and watch the fireworks.

You’ll be surprised who loses their mind and who maintains.
 
You can start by implying in regular conversation that you would be willing to accept plural marriage. For example, better to tolerate husband having lover that damage children with divorce.

Ideal is for family not to be suprised if this happens.
 
Last edited:
People should know as early as possible. If you're already courting someone, and haven't talked to your family about polygamy as a concept, you're already very late - that would ideally have been a topic brought up when it was only theoretical. This will be difficult for them to wrap their heads around even theoretically, and that will be made much harder by the fact that it's actually a real prospect, so the earlier you talk about it the longer people have to come to grips with it.

As an emotive issue, people will move through the "stages of grief" about it, which are generally expressed as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. You don't want them to be in the angry stage at the time of the wedding. At a bare minimum you need them through to "bargaining", if not all the way to "acceptance". And that will take a lot of time.

I agree with @The Revolting Man that the most important person is your child.
 
Poly had only come up as a possibility a few months ago. Would I wait for my child to meet my guy before bringing up this possibility ?
 
Southerngirl00 said:
Poly had only come up as a possibility a few months ago. Would I wait for my child to meet my guy before bringing up this possibility ?
Click to expand...
Polygyny is general sense: ASAP, start lighty
Polygyny with specific man: check this man, meet when is time to move towards more serious
 
Last edited:
I haven't fully broken the news to my family about how serious I am regarding polygamy but I do make jokes about it often and express the reasons as to why it would be awesome. I told my niece about it (she's a teenager) she thinks it's weird, understandably but is supportive. My mom is completely against it, when she expresses her concerns I counter them with the positives and explain why I'm interested in it. She finally agreed "well in that case, that does sound like you."

I guess my point is, try breaking the ice by bringing it up casually or even jokingly. If people have questions or concerns then have a light discussion. Obviously when the time gets closer you'll have more explaining to do but at least it won't come out of nowhere completely.
 
I don't see the point in going overboard telling a bunch of people unless you are actually committed to pursuing it. It's obvious you will get negative or harsh feedback from, for example, your family, your church family, etc. Why unnecessarily worry people about something you may never do. If your still in the talking about it phase or just thinking it through phase, I don't see a need to tell very many people what your thinking about, if any.
 
NBTX11 said:
I don't see the point in going overboard telling a bunch of people unless you are actually committed to pursuing it. It's obvious you will get negative or harsh feedback from, for example, your family, your church family, etc. Why unnecessarily worry people about something you may never do. If your still in the talking about it phase or just thinking it through phase, I don't see a need to tell very many people what your thinking about, if any.
Click to expand...
I should have explained. Poly was brought up but this is what we plan to do. I’m just wondering if my family should meet my guy before or after bringing it up. He has already met my mom.
 
NBTX11 said:
I don't see the point in going overboard telling a bunch of people unless you are actually committed to pursuing it. It's obvious you will get negative or harsh feedback from, for example, your family, your church family, etc. Why unnecessarily worry people about something you may never do. If your still in the talking about it phase or just thinking it through phase, I don't see a need to tell very many people what your thinking about, if any.
Click to expand...
There's a balance. If you become a one-issue nutter who's constantly talking about this and trying to convince everyone, you'll just make life difficult for yourself and destroy relationships for no reason. However, with those who are closest to you, it should come up in conversation sometime. Even if you never pursue this, it is an issue that helps people understand how to relate to the fallen world around us and the chaotic situations people end up in in secular society. Best to prepare the most important people for the idea on some level long before it becomes a reality, so they're primed for the conversation and at least partway through processing it. But it should be only one issue among many, and not seem to be the most important thing in the world to you.
 
NBTX11 said:
I don't see the point in going overboard telling a bunch of people unless you are actually committed to pursuing it. It's obvious you will get negative or harsh feedback from, for example, your family, your church family, etc. Why unnecessarily worry people about something you may never do. If your still in the talking about it phase or just thinking it through phase, I don't see a need to tell very many people what your thinking about, if any.
Click to expand...
Because you can gauge their reaction sooner than when you really start. Second, you can over time warm their heart to idea.

People very rarely accept paradigm shifts. Practically here everybody had mental battles accepting polygyny. Expecting family to accept polygyny just because is unrealistic. They will have to get used.

Where is reason why people here advise to joke about this. When you joke about this you not "being serious" which avoids most negative societal consenquences. And if people start having negative reactions you pull "I'm joking card".
 
Last edited:
Southerngirl00 said:
I should have explained. Poly was brought up but this is what we plan to do. I’m just wondering if my family should meet my guy before or after bringing it up. He has already met my mom.
Click to expand...
For me, my concern has more to do with how the woman tells her family her new guy has a wife and kids already. My mind is boggled even just thinking about that, haha. Especially from her father. It just doesn't sound half as bad for a man to say he's taken a second wife, especially among men, unless their Christian men(but even then, there's a slight hint of understanding or jealousy). Because men are men at the end of the day.

I would love to hear other's testimonies on how that went. So far most that i have heard have said that it was worse than you can imagine 😳
 
b_ce said:
For me, my concern has more to do with how the woman tells her family her new guy has a wife and kids already. My mind is boggled even just thinking about that, haha. Especially from her father. It just doesn't sound half as bad for a man to say he's taken a second wife, especially among men, unless their Christian men(but even then, there's a slight hint of understanding or jealousy). Because men are men at the end of the day.

I would love to hear other's testimonies on how that went. So far most that i have heard have said that it was worse than you can imagine 😳
Click to expand...
Call it opportunity woman can't afford to miss.
 
We told our children and family long ago about our belief and interest. They grew up with the idea and had a very easy adjustment.
Other family, in spite of us talking about it for 20 years still had issues (my sis in laws mostly) once it was reality.

Her family think she's making a mistake.

I would say don't talk to your child about it in a personal way until after he talks to his wife. You may have nothing to talk about if she loses it.
 
I took advantage of all the pro polygenyPolygyny memes and I started sharing them on my Facebook account, and as you can probably guess it started raising questions and yes I lost Facebook friends over it, the children started asking questions which is why I went to Facebook route thought I
 
b_ce said:
For me, my concern has more to do with how the woman tells her family her new guy has a wife and kids already. My mind is boggled even just thinking about that, haha. Especially from her father. It just doesn't sound half as bad for a man to say he's taken a second wife, especially among men, unless their Christian men(but even then, there's a slight hint of understanding or jealousy). Because men are men at the end of the day.

I would love to hear other's testimonies on how that went. So far most that i have heard have said that it was worse than you can imagine 😳
Click to expand...
Where the woman is at in her life at the moment may play a role in how smooth these conversations go as well. I got lucky because I'm at a stage in my life (late 30s) where my dad thinks polygamy is an odd choice and understandably questions the perversion of it but doesn't think it's the worst thing in the world. He and my mom both share the opinion that I have the personality for it. I think me being older and not as easily influenced plays a role in their comfort.

However imagine a younger woman trying to explain this choice to her family, their father in particular. I think of my niece coming to our family at a young age explaining that she wants to join a married family with children, I know for a fact things wouldn't go nearly as smooth.
 
I personally took advantage of all the Pro Polygyny memes and started to share them on my Facebook wall, and as you can imagine the comments started pouring in lol. And of course the children would start asking questions which opened up for discussion, it went mostly like I expected, and on the flip side went better than I expected. I lost Facebook friends over it, I'm a narcissist and a few other things. One of the children back then said if I did it we won't get to see the grandchildren I personally think it was his wife dictating those decisions and of course he had to follow along, but I could be wrong on that assumption. Long story short some of the children think we're crazy some of them say, "y'all are adults". Just last weekend I had a good discussion with our daughter-in-law on the subject, it's not for her but she is a little more understanding she still has her doubts, she brought up a lot of biblical issues on the subject and I explained the context and the areas of scripture that regulates and even promote polygyny. I stuck with what the Bible says on the subject and I could tell by some of the expressions on her face that she can't argue the scripture. We shall see.
 
Edward said:
I took advantage of all the pro polygenyPolygyny memes and I started sharing them on my Facebook account, and as you can probably guess it started raising questions and yes I lost Facebook friends over it, the children started asking questions which is why I went to Facebook route thought I
Click to expand...
Now I know where it went I accidentally hit post and was completely unaware of it and started a whole new reply LOL
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top