Support What to do when spouse rejects her faith

[Cap]

If you watched the video that @eye4them shared, one of the first points that was raised, is that if your wife does not submit to you, it is your fault. The point is, the husband who leads, will have a wife (or wives) who follow. That is the way God wired them.

The other take on this is that if your wife doesn't submit to PM then you might not been in a relationship that will end up plural.

 

[rockfox]

The other take on this is that if your wife doesn't submit to PM then you might not been in a relationship that will end up plural.

The other take on that is that if your wife isn't willing to be in a plural marriage, you're just not attractive enough.

 

[Cap]

The other take on that is that if your wife isn't willing to be in a plural marriage, you're just not attractive enough.

But that take it's not your wife's fault that's yours.

 

[Daniel DeLuca]

The other take on that is that if your wife isn't willing to be in a plural marriage, you're just not attractive enough.

I'll have to tell my wife that I am not all that attractive! LOL!!!!

 

[Daniel DeLuca]

But that take it's not your wife's fault that's yours.

But if you followed those links and the forums on RPM, you would find that taking charge, makes you more attractive to your wife, which is why the claim is that it is in fact your own fault, which like I said, is liberating, in that there is something you can do about it. Now as much as I want my wife to submit to PM, she has to hear this from God, otherwise, she is not willingly accepting PM. It is instead forced upon her. OK, so my wife in fact was very afraid that I would demand PM of her, and I assured her that I would not. While I am in the process of teaching her how to submit, she will have to understand total submissiveness, and right now, I have been getting her to do things I know she doesn't want to do, and I have been quite vigorous about it. When she says, "I don't want to", I reply that I am not concerned about what she wants to do and that she must do it anyhow. She will often reply that that is mean, to which I reply, "I am not trying to be nice." Nine times out of ten, I make her do it. I just got to work on the other 10 percent, which are the things she really really doesn't want to do. I tried the, "leaving" technique quite a few times. The first time, was quite effective, and she quickly came around and submitted the next few times, but this last time, it didn't really work, because she really did not want to do what I said, so I have to be more creative, depending on the circumstances. There is a lot more advice I can investigate on one of those forums, so I will see what advice can be gleaned from there.

 

[Daniel DeLuca]

 

[rockfox]

Okay so in a nut shell, since she no longer accepts Christ or the teachings in the NT to be historically accurate she will no longer live by it. What does that mean? well it means she wants a divorce or something similar?? To not accept my leadership, to not submit to me or the scriptures, to not teach the bible, even though she says she thinks there is good about it. She will stay, for the moment, in my home but does not want any affection (1 week ago she was being affectionate), ie sex, and she does not want me to marry or bring another wife into our/my home.

For anyone reading this thread later, the story took an evil turn. We all failed Sean in this thread; myself included. Massively.

I failed to sufficiently consider the possible outcomes and how this could go down. If I had, I'd have recommended much stronger action. I was stuck in a domestic US mindset. I just wish I'd known more information; had I known the husband and wife were from different foreign countries it might have triggered my memory of similar child abductions. A reminder that we need to dig for more details when people ask for help; the most critical pieces of information may well not have been said. The subject we really need to talk about may not even be the one asked.

That said, my basic read of the situation proved correct...

I take it from this she is leaving you, just not yet? If so, I see little reason to humor her. The marriage is over, she just haven't found someone to monkey branch to yet. If she claims she's not divorcing, just not sure what to do; well, you have more room to work but don't fool yourself, you're marriage is dead man walking. She's little more than a roommate.

Had he taken action based on the assumption she was preparing to kidnap the children; he might still have them today. He should have treated this like an emergency situation, not a wait it out and be nice situation. Much of the advice given in this thread was not helpful, could not be helpful, but only played into the errant wife's actions.

Thanks for your feeback, I think you hit the nail on the head here. She has always been up and down with her faith but never to this point. She has a forgiveness problem and definitely has not forgiven me for breaking a vow of monogamy, she accepted it biblically, but never "wanted it". So I do think this plays a factor but I do not think it's the root by any means.

This is also a cautionary tale against marrying a woman who hasn't fully embraced you as her spiritual leader, who claims to be a Christian but is demonstrably weak in her faith.

I also suspect the offer to study the book with him wasn't an opening for him to change her mind, but her last ditch attempt to control the marriage. She might have stayed had he rejected his faith and poly and submitted to her spiritual leadership. We erred in seizing on that as hope he could turn the situation around through showing her the errors of the book. She maybe wasn't looking to give him opportunity to debunk the book, but hoping he's embrace it as his scripture above the Bible as she had. Even worse, it may have been nothing more than a ploy to get him to shut up about the Bible.

 

[Cap]

Probably need to add a disclaimer to these kinds of things, we are not licensed therapist, just like when someone gives lawyerly advice. I think everyone did the best they could.